The Multitudes Within Me (Sequel to The Sound of Ice)

PART 3 - 32

Cameron is ecstatic that I'm transferring to a university in Toronto. The whole family is, really. Hailey might even be more excited than he is.

The night I get back, Ms. Beckett makes spaghetti for everyone, and it feels like the old days, if just for a little bit. We eat and then watch an old movie, Veronica braiding Hailey's hair, Cameron and I doing the dishes. It's weird to be home, really home, and still feel so far away. Cameron flicks soap on me, and I flick hot water back. He took a puck to the face in practice so his eye is bruised faintly, the skin above his cheekbone purple and tender.

"Maybe we can all go ice skating together sometime," says Ms. Beckett from the couch. "As a family. How does that sound?"

Hailey's eyes widen and she bounces up and down excitedly, making Veronica frown. "Hailey, stay still."

"Ice skating! I wanna ice skate!"

Cameron nudges my arm as he scrubs a plate. "I can show you some moves."

I smile. "We all know I'm the better skater here."

I expect a retort, but he kisses my cheek instead.

It feels so much like home, and it doesn't.

~

The next day, Ms. Beckett has work, Tom is sleeping at home, and Hailey and Veronica are at school, so Cameron and I have the house to ourselves. He doesn't have to head back to the city until tomorrow.

It's snowing outside, and we're too lazy to go anywhere, so we spend most of the afternoon in his room, reading and watching movies and dozing off. Cam's wearing a purple sweatshirt that brings out the color of his eyes, and with fabric so comfy and warm that I like to rest my head on it.

I head to the bathroom, and when I come back Cameron has moved from the spot we were sleeping in and is flipping through a course catalogue. He glances up when I walk in the room. "Do you want to talk about Toronto? And you smell good, Jesus."

"It's the soap. Vanilla sugar something. And no, I don't."

Maybe there was something in the tone of my voice, because stands up and puts his hands on my shoulders. His eyes search my face for something. "Okay, I'm sorry. Don't be upset."

"I'm not upset. I just don't want to think about university."

"Okay."

"I applied to a few places. There's nothing else I can do but wait, right?"

"Right." He tilts his head and smiles softly. "I'm just excited."

I feel bad. I know he is. I lean into his chest and he breathes in my hair. "I know," I say. "I am too. I'm just tired, is all."

"I get that."

I pull my head away and smile to show that I am excited, or at least trying to be excited, and Cameron leans in like he's going to kiss me and then stops.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispers, and there's a smile in his voice.

"Yes."

And then he kisses me, backed up against the wall, and I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. And I love him. I do. But I feel horrible.

His fingers find my waist, pressing gently against my skin, moving to my hip, and I grab his hand. "No."

He immediately backs down, his face softening into concern. "What's wrong? You okay?"

"Yeah. It's not that."

"No one's home, if that's what you're worried about."

I jerk my head away and glance out the window.