Filthy Little Secret - Draco x reader

19 - A little light in dark times

The months March until May are nothing exciting. But he makes every minute of every hour of every single day exciting. To say we proved Hermione wrong was an understatement. I don't know what caused the sudden switch from 'it can never happen' to 'really great boyfriend' to happen, but I'm glad it did.

Draco was still his annoying self most of the times. He'd annoy young Gryffindors, have fights with Harry and he's still as cocky as ever. But that's just Draco and I don't think that's ever going to change, and I don't want it to. I will get angry if he bullies little kids, that's not okay to me.

"I have a reputation to uphold", he always says.

"Like I haven't ruined that one already", I say laughing. Ever since we started dating, people are less scared of him I find that great, but I can see that he's trying his best to keep up that reputation. He's a Malfoy after all, so I let him and I can feel that he's grateful for that.

I'm not really a fan of PDA, or these intense couple-y situations, and Dray isn't either, which is great. I see him in class and after class, but he respects my alone time and I respect his. Our friend groups don't really match either, so there's enough room for both of us to have a complete seperate life as well. Cho and Luna have become way more accepting of him and even Hermione has. Harry and Ron haven't really and occasionally ask me 'why the bloody hell I'm dating that bloke'. But they don't really treat me differently, so I'm fine with that.

Pansy still hates me with passion, but she's also scared of Draco so she never says anything when he's around. Crabbe and Goyle... we'll they're Crabbe and Goyle. They aren't half bad, they're just very stupid.

And so the months passed. I slowly started to get ready for the OWL's. This was deciding my future, so I really wanted to do well. Luckily Draco is kind of a nerd as well, so he understood when I needed my time to study. He'd occasionally plan little mini dates in between, so he wasn't ignored completely.

I had accepted the fact that I was completely and utterly in love with this stupid git, but I hadn't told him yet. Neither had he. It's not that I didn't want to, the right moment just hadn't come yet.

The only day that I was dreading was the 15th of May. It was a Wednesday and I had nothing planned for that entire day. I only had Transfiguration that day, since Arithmancy was cancelled. Professor Vector had a meeting with Umbridge. She better let her keep her position. She may be strict, but she's one of the best professors I've ever had. And she hates Umbridge, that's a plus as well.

Draco had seen my planning and asked me why the 15th of May was empty, but I just avoided his question. I don't like talking about it. As the day neared, he kept guessing why it was empty since no other days were. My birthday, a special date planned, etcetera. He was so far off. In the end I just told him it was a spare day to catch up in case I was falling behind on my schedule, and he let it go.

So when that day came, I slept as long as possible, which was not long since my head was a mess. I stood up, put some clothes on and made my way to the Owlery. It was still early in the morning and most owls had just awoken. It was kind of nice to not study for a day.

I climbed up the Owlery and sat in one of the open windows. She loved owls. She gave me Y/O/N for my tenth birthday. She was quite familiar with the magical world, although being a muggle herself. I remember her telling me that she chose that one, the completely white owl with bright blue eyes because she felt like he was so bright that it almost seemed like he was radiating light. And she wanted him to be a little light for me in dark times. So I always had someone to turn to when things got rough at Ilvermorny or well, Hogwarts in this case.

I opened the book I brought and started reading. I've had it since my first visit to Hogsmeade, but hadn't opened it yet. I saved it for this very special occasion. And that's where I am now. Absorbed by the wonderful story of Alice in Wonderland. I remember her telling me that it reminded her of herself when my dad first introduced her to the Wizarding World. I remember her telling me so many things, yet it makes me so sad to realize that so many memories are lost already. A tear slowly runs down my cheek.

And then Y/O/N flies over to me and sits besides me, his little head nudging against my knee. She was right, he was a little light in dark times.

By the time I have finished a third of my book, Draco must have found out that something is wrong. I wasn't at breakfast and we always have Transfiguration with Slytherin, which I skipped. I wanted to go first, act like it was a normal day, but I couldn't. It felt like I'd lose her just a bit more.

I would love to go to the Astronomy Tower at this point since the owls are getting more and more active, but I wait until after lunch break to do so. I know that's the first place Draco would go looking for me. It's not like I'm avoiding him, I'm avoiding talking.

It's a little past 1PM as I make my way over to the Astronomy tower. I can still hear owl screeches ringing in my head as I walk through the empty corridors. I check whether the tower is empty, which it it, and enter. No Astronomy classes on Wednesday afternoon apparently.

I slide down against the wall and sigh. I don't feel like talking, or eating, or doing anything really. I feel so helpless, so empty. Another tear runs down my cheek as yet another memory flashes by. It was a cool summer day and I was just 8 years old. We used to live in the city in America. I was on summer break and my dad was crammed with work while my mum was making pastries for a bake sale down the street to raise money for the nearby animal shelter. I was bored out of my mind so my mum allowed me to help her. That was a very stupid decision, but one of my favorite memories. I vaguely remember dropping an egg and her putting frosting on my nose and having flour in my hair. I loved her so much. I put down the book and rest my head on my knees, wrapping my arms around them. I hate this day and I just want it to end.

Suddenly, the door creaks and I look up shocked. Pansy is standing in the doorway, looking confused. I quickly wipe away the tears and take the book again.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"Reading."

It stays quiet for a while.

"Are you okay? You weren't in Transfiguration", she says after a while, probably the first sentence she ever said to me that's not aggressive.

"I'm fine", I say and shut out all feelings.

"Draco is worried. Should I go get him?" she asks, but I shake my head. "No, I'm fine."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone then", she says. Coming here was a stupid idea, but leaving means risking someone to see me. Draco, Hermione, Luna... I try to keep my breathing steady, but I feel so lost. I only need her. I only want to talk to her and hug her. I need my mum.