To Dylan

forty-three

To Dylan:

so let’s talk

From Dylan:

ok

From Dylan:

to start it off on a good note though amber the butterfly is still alive

To Dylan:

good, i’m proud of you :)

From Dylan:

you shouldn’t be

To Dylan:

well i am. now can we talk about the reason you’re here?

From Dylan:

okay…

From Dylan:

i thought it would make things easier. for my mom. and my dad. one less thing to worry about.

From Dylan:

and i’m also just really tired of it okay? i feel like shit all of the time and i don’t know what else to do and i’m just really fucking tired of it

From Dylan:

and i’m just a giant burden to everyone and you deserve somebody better than me and you shouldn’t have to worry about me all the damn time and i’m sorry

To Dylan:

i don’t know what to say

To Dylan:

because i know that telling you that it’s okay isn’t true and that won’t help you out any.

To Dylan:

but i want you to know that i’d rather worry about you every second than not have the opportunity to worry about you at all.

To Dylan:

you mean a lot to me. you mean SO MUCH. you’re not a burden to anybody but yourself. i love you. a lot. your mom and dad love you too, they’re just too caught up in their own shit to realize that you need to hear them say it.

To Dylan:

but i’ve known you since we were little and i honestly can’t imagine having anybody else as my best friend. you’re an amazing person and you’re the only one that doesn’t see that. when you didn’t answer me for those two days, i was shaking and i hated myself because i felt like that i didn’t do enough. the stuff that i go through worrying about you has absolutely no comparison to what i felt when i couldn’t reach you.

To Dylan:

i don’t know what being in love feels like. i don’t. i don’t think i’ve ever been in love before but i’ve also had other ‘best friends’ before and i’ve never felt like this for any of them.

From Dylan:

maybe because they’re not fucked up and you don’t have to worry about them killing themselves every five minutes

To Dylan:

we both know that that’s not it but i won’t push it either

From Dylan:

i’m sorry. just trying not to pull you down with me.

To Dylan:

dylan i’ve been down with you from the very beginning. that’s what i’m trying to get you to see. but like i said, i’m not pushing it, okay?

From Dylan:

we can talk more later. tomorrow. i’ll be up to talking about it tomorrow.