Agoraphobia

Day 420 (Elevator Room)

Jeannie's hatred of what she considered sinful reminded me of the Grinch's unjustified hatred of Whoville. "Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown...".

Of all things she considered sinful, Jeannie hated marijuana the most. And she loathed Uncle Peter for planting it.

But, for Uncle Peter, growing marijuana was just a hobby. Food crops were MUCH more important to him. And that's where he and I spent the bulk of our efforts. The food garden needed constant weeding and irrigation. Our hard work paid off. After a few months, the food garden was producing both food and seeds.

While the food garden required constant attention, the Bridge Troll patch did not. Soon, it was thick with lush, tall marijuana plants.

Grinchy Jeannie could see the patch from her window, and she hated it. Jeannie complained to anyone who would listen, while Uncle Peter thinly veiled his giddy pleasure. Jeannie's attempts at getting people to "stand up to Peter" on the issue of marijuana fell mostly on deaf ears. Those who enjoyed an occasional smoke certainly didn't want to see marijuana banned. Even among those who never indulged, few thought marijuana prohibition should be a priority.

Surprisingly, Jeannie found an ally in Grandpa Kevin. He relayed to Uncle Peter some valid points Jeannie had conjured up. "First of all," he pointed out. "Some people don't like the smell. Second, some don't want to get a contact high from the second-hand smoke. Third, the smoke will eventually stain the walls. And finally, little kids can get to it." Uncle Peter couldn't argue with any of that.

So, with my parent's help, Grandpa Kevin cleared out the medium-sized storage room on the second floor. He furnished it with bean bag chairs and decorated it with psychedelic posters. The paraphernalia trunk was brought in, along with the marijuana tub. Finally, a combination lock was fastened to the door. Only adults were given the combination, and everyone was politely asked to limit their smoking to that room. For obvious reasons, it was named the "Elevator Room".

You might think Jeannie would've been semi-grateful to Grandpa Kevin. But I overheard her reaction...

"What good did that do, Kevin!?" complained Jeannie. "The marijuana is still in the house!"

"But it'll be limited to one room," explained Grandpa Kevin. "So you won't be inhaling any second-hand smoke."

"But people are still getting high!"

"Yes, OTHER people are getting high. Not you. Not kids. What business is it of yours if someone else gets high?"

"It's my business because I live here!"

"Hogwash! Before the peak, I bet you didn't want anyone, anywhere to smoke marijuana! You just want to control people! Mind your own business!" Grandpa Kevin headed for the door. "Damn ungrateful woman," he mumbled as he strode out of the room. "She'd complain if you hung her with a new rope."

------------------------------------------------

The following short poem, written by an anonymous contributor, was read on the Post Apocalypse Radio Show's 405th airing...

The Jeannie hated marijuana! The whole marijuana season!

Now, please don't ask me why. No one exactly knows the reason.

It could be her head was not screwed on just right.

It could be, perhaps, her shoes were on too tight.

But I think the most likely reason of them all,

May have been she was a bitch.

[Please remember to vote.]