Let Me In || Ticci Toby x Reader

8 || Apology

I wake up, head throbbing. Sun breaks through the trees in the surrounding forest, making me wonder if it is sunrise or sunset. I moan and shift my position. As I do, I take notice of a note on the floor in front of the door.

I open the lined paper. On it is written one word in messy handwriting.

sorry

Just one simple phrase. I try and force myself into accepting this note as an apology. Yet one word, only five letters, and two syllables do not amount to anything compared to the event that occurred. It is only ink on paper.

Talking downstairs takes the attention away from the note. I listen in, moving closer to the vent that amplifies the sound.

"Go bring her breakfast and apologize Toby!" A girl shouts. The proxy shouts back at her in protest.

"It's Ben's fault! Why should I go apologize?"

"Because you have gotten the closest to her! She'll accept an apology on Ben's behalf if you do it!"

"You don't even know her! No one does! And why would anyone accept an apology that isn't from the person who screwed up?! Ben doesn't even give a fuck!"

"Who wants to bet she can hear you two arguing? Geez, it's too early for this. I just wanna eat and go back to bed." Another voice joins them. It sounds like that one guy who was speaking with Ben about going out to look at me. He was the one who called me a psychotic monster.

"Just go, Toby. Ben's getting his ass handed to him later once Slender finds out. He's also cowering in his stupid game."

"It's not that big of a deal. Her face is in the paper anyway. Ben just wanted to look at the real deal. Apparently, it's pretty cute. How 'bout you, my man? See anything good?"

The proxy, who I can now assume is named Toby, stays silent. The only possible conclusion is that he did. And judging from what that other guy is saying, Ben saw my face too. Toby, that liar. He said I wouldn't be seen. My face is probably posted in every newspaper for the past week, but actually seeing me in the flesh is a whole new level that requires some sort of trust. Trust that I will now place in no one in this entire house.

I start to rip that paper with the meaningless apology on it. In half, quarters, and into even smaller fragments. I throw them all away from me. The pieces scatter in the air and settle on the floor. I put my head on my knees and pull on my hair. If I felt comfortable enough, I would scream. Instead, I just let my frustrations package themselves into tiny droplets that start to pour from my eyes.

Everyone here is crazy, doing whatever they want. There are few who actually respect privacy and boundaries, but for how long? I've misplaced my trust, a foolish mistake when surrounded by killers. Yet it only makes sense that I did so. That one guy is right. I belong here as a part of this crazy house. I am the reason innocent people have died and that makes me one of them. Does that make them my equal? Can I make demands like the ability to roam freely during the night while everyone stays in their rooms? Or does the fact that I question my actions make me lesser?

Heavy footsteps come up the stairs. It is Toby, and he sounds upset. Most likely over the fact that he has to apologize in place of Ben. But honestly, if I had to talk to anyone it would be him. As long as I know Ben is getting his karma I am satisfied enough. Maybe if I ever do come out of this room I will give him a piece of my mind.

Toby knocks three times before speaking.

"Doin' okay? I hope you're not too mad."

I do not respond back. I focus on holding back my tears. If anyone hears my weakness, I fear it will be the end of me.

"I brought you breakfast. An extra helping as well. Do you think you'd be able to accept it as some kind of lame apology?"

Again, I do not respond. He knows I am on the other side. He also knows that I am pretty pissed. I can tell from the awkwardness held in his voice.

"Listen, Ben's a dick. But he's a twelve-year-old boy that has no parental guidance and the idea that he can do whatever he wants."

I slam the side of my fist into the door. A loud bang rattles and shakes the door and echoes in my enclosed room. That lame excuse infuriates me. I direct that anger outward, although it comes from inside. I pity Ben, and I can not help myself even though I feel it is wrong. And that frustrates me.

"I'm sorry, okay? I lied and said you would be okay when you clearly weren't. And I feel bad. Let me know what I can do to make it up to you."

A sob tears itself through my lips. Against my will, I shakily inhale and tears start to fall again. Everything is starting to get to be too much. My anger, sadness, own conflicts, and finally this one murderer's sincere kindness.

I hear a soft thud of the door hitting the doorframe. It's like someone is leaning against it.

"Aw, shit. I'm really sorry okay? You can be angry all you want, but please don't be sad. Did you want to talk about it or anything?"

I knock once, finally letting Toby have a bit of peace of mind.

"If I could, I would barge in there right now and hug you."

I continue to cry and sob. This is all weighing down on me. A tug of war is playing in my mind and I have no idea what side is going to win.

I am truly a part of these people. They all had lives before they became like this. And they still have humanity in them, even if just the smallest sliver of it is in the form of selfish emotions. And Toby is actually showing me kindness and respect. It might not actually be so bad being here.

But on the other hand, I am homesick. All I want is to know for certain that I am safe. At home or in a guarded jail cell, I no longer care. I just want to feel safe and protected. And I may belong here, but I do not want to let myself fall victim to whatever has taken over these people and their lives.

One side pulls, the other pulls back. The rope gets weaker and weaker as the tug of war continues. Both sides are exhausting each other, and I feel myself start to fall asleep again. My eyelids droop as I weigh my options. My muscles start to relax when I realize I can not go back to normal society. And I start to nod off when I wish for a solution. The world gets darker as I think of one.