When the Stars Align

Chapter Three

I've attatched a .gif of Andrew Garfield to the sidebar, because although his hair is a bit dark, my headcanon teenage Remus looks like him. My headcanons have no link to the Gary Oldman and David Thewlis adaptations of the characters. These are what they look like to me when I am reading the books.

Please continue to vote for each chapter, as it really helps me out! Thanks very much!

Always,

Brielle

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Sirius was reluctant to go to his friend at first. He most likely didn't want to be bothered if he took the time to come down here whenever the group of friends wouldn't give him the quiet that he desired.

But thinking this only angered Sirius. Why did Remus deserve quiet when he was supposed to be his best friend, yet wouldn't even give him the time of day. Quite literally. The previous day, he'd asked Remus what time it was, as he'd forgotten his watch. Remus had given him a dirty look and kept walking past him.

Sirius didn't feel so badly about bothering Remus any longer. He walked over somewhat quietly, so he wasn't sure whether Remus hadn't heard him, or if he was just ignoring him. He leaned against a tree.

"So this is where you come? Seems like a bit too much work just to avoid me, eh?" He said rather coldly, feeling badly as soon at it came out of his mouth.

Remus turned his head and scowled at Sirius, "It's not."

"It's not what?"

"It's not a lot of work," Remus muttered and returned to his school work.

Sirius took a deep breath to control his temper. This was getting to be too much. Remus was being downright rude at this point. "What is your problem with me?"

Remus sighed and closed his book, "I'm trying to study, Sirius. This year is everything with the NEWTs. It determines what jobs we can apply for after school."

Sirius crossed his arms. "Bullshit."

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

Sirius scoffed in return, "Come on, we both know you don't have to try to do well in school. It's always just kind of been there for you, you've always had that ability. Don't give me that studying bullshit when I know you've been talking to James and Peter. It's me that you have a problem with and I have the right to know why."

Remus looked at him and for a moment, there was silence, a silence during which the tension could be severed with an axe, maybe something even stronger. Something tugs at Sirius' heart, seeing the dull light in Remus' eyes. There's no love in there, not for him anyway.

Sirius gulps as he waits for Remus answer with an eyebrow raised.

Finally Remus speaks: "You're a distraction, Sirius.

The statement gave him mixed emotions. On one hand that could mean that Remus thought about him too much and needed to distance himself so that his love for him wouldn't distract him from his studies. One the other hand, however, it could mean that Sirius was annoying Remus and he simply didn't want him around.

"What do you mean by that?" Sirius asked, raising his voice. He was becoming peeved because of Remus' avoiding straight answers.

"It means that I'm trying to do work, and you talking to me is taking away from my valuable time," Remus said coldly, looking him dead in the eyes.

"Oh really? Because, call me crazy, but I thought we were friends, were we not?!" Sirius practically screamed. He could feel the sting of tears at the corner of his eyes. He wouldn't let them fall. He couldn't show Remus that he was his weakness.

"What are you trying to accuse me of?" Remus replied, his voice calm in a way that made Sirius fume. How could he be so calm when he himself was so angry? He should feel something when Sirius yelled at him. He should feel hurt, sad. He shouldn't be staring at him with this placid expression. That was what killed Sirius.

"I'm accusing you of pushing me away," he said in a small voice.

"Maybe I am trying to push you away. Maybe I don't want to be your friend anymore," he said coldly.

Sirius gulped, his eyes blurring with tears. "Why?"

He couldn't see Remus roll his eyes, but his tone suggested that he did, "Because Sirius, you guys live to make trouble. I can't do that anymore."

"Are you being serious right now? You went with James and Peter to go mapping the other day! What do you call that?" Sirius yelled.

"Why do you even care?!" Remus finally yelled. That was the fuel I need to engorge the fire within me.

"Why? Why Remus? Because you used to be one of my best friends. Someone that I could tell anything to. Someone that wouldn't judge me if I cried. Even James can't be that person for me. I need that person Remus. And I need you because I-" I stopped. The end of that sentence would have been "I love you." But he couldn't tell Remus that, especially when he obviously didn't feel the same way.

"You what, Sirius?" Remus snapped, crossing his arms. He was still on the ground. Sirius wasn't even worth standing for.

"Nevermind," Sirius said, looking across the water, away from him.

"You what?" Remus pressed, getting louder.

"Nevermind!" Sirius screamed.

"What the hell is your problem, Sirius?" He yelled.

"I'm not going to let you push me away! I need you!"

"Well, I don't need you."

Sirius looked away, letting a tear fall from the corner of his eye. That was the coldest thing that anyone had ever said to him. Or perhaps that wasn't true. Perhaps it just felt so much worse because it came from one he loved.

He turned to Remus, trying to stop himself crying, but failing. Through his tears he said, his voice trembling, "Fuck you, Remus...just, fuck you."

He turned and ran, literally ran, sobbing into the forest next to the lake.

He would never know what it felt like to be loved by Remus Lupin.