The Agent and The School Teacher

Chapter Sixteen: Too Complicated

I woke up early to make breakfast for everyone. I remembered from our last sleep over that Jack really likes Biscuits and Gravy, so I decided to make everyone some before school. I stood in the kitchen in my pajamas, stirring the gravy around the pan and running the conversation from the previous night through my mind over and over again.

Now, my being upset wasn't so much over the fact that he yelled at me anymore. It was the reason that he did now. Because as I ran the scene through my mind, and applied what limited deduction skills that I had...I noticed that the reason he snapped at me is because I was right. He was trying to replace Haley with me, trying to use me to negate the guilt he felt for her, but when I pointed it out to him, it only made him feel more guilty and...angry at himself for doing it. The graceful part of my brain wanted to take that into account and forgive him, but...

My thoughts were interrupted when I turned around to the biscuit pan on the island to see that Aaron was standing in the doorway. I jumped, not knowing that he was there.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He attempted an amused smile, but my lack of a response caused it to fall away. "Um...Biscuits and Gravy, huh?"

"Jack mentioned he liked them, the last time he was here." I said, emotionless, putting the pan into the oven. He nodded.

"Nothing happened last night. I guess Ben took the hint and left for good." He suggested. I nodded, turning back to the gravy and putting salt and pepper on it. He sighed. "Elizabeth-"

"Biscuits and Gravy?!" Sadie shrieked, as she ran into the kitchen, adorned in her Ariel pajamas. Jack followed after her, rubbing his eyes, and then came Charlotte, yawning all the way. The look in Aaron's eye said he wanted to continue this conversation later, but I ignored it.

"Its Jack's favorite breakfast food." I told her.

"You remembered!" Jack exclaimed, hugging Aaron's leg. I smiled at him.

"Of course I did!" 

"I didn't know you liked Biscuits and Gravy." Aaron said, tousling his hair.

"I do. Mommy used to make it for me." I paused, and Aaron's eyes turned apologetic. The oven beeped and I turned around, taking the biscuits out of the oven and putting them on the counter. 

"Aaron, do you mind fixing the kids' plates?" I asked, leaving the room before he gave me an answer. I went back to my room and straight to the closet to pick out my clothes for the day, and to not be in the same room with him. First that whole mess with Aaron, and now Jack has me making him the food his Mom used to make? Its like I'm Haley's replacement, how am I supposed to be ok with that? How am I supposed to continue being active in their lives without feeling like I'm stealing another woman's family? Aaron and I aren't even romantically involved and I feel that way, so how could I ever act on the feelings that I have for him?

I put on a dark blue floral dress, a teal cardigan with a brown belt around the waist, red tights, and a pair of brown ankle boots. I twisted my hair into a braid before  deciding that I'd composed myself enough to go back downstairs. I hadn't realized how long I'd been up there until the kids ran past me and I came back down into the kitchen to find Aaron doing the dishes.

"I can get those." I said, reaching to take the dish from his hand. Instead, his hand caught my wrist, stopping me. I turned my head away from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I shouldn't have yelled at you.  And I'm sorry if  I made you uncomfortable, or if I made you feel like I was trying to turn you into her."

"Its not just that." I said quietly. He let go of my wrist and I wrapped my arms around myself, looking up at him now. "With everything that I have going on...with the nightmares, and now Ben showing up out of nowhere, I don't need the guilt added on top of that."

"Guilt? Guilt of what?" He asked, leaning against the island. I sighed.

"We had our whole argument last night and then...me making Jack the food his mom used to make for him its like...its like I'm trying to steal her family or something, and then if you actually were, to some subconscious degree, trying to replace her then...do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" He thought about that for a moment. "I'm just...I don't know if continuing our relationship the way that we have is a good idea anymore."

"Relationship?" He asked. "I wasn't aware that we were in a relationship."

"That is not what I meant, and you know it." I said. He sighed. "Its just that I don't want Jack to think that I am replacing his mother, but how is he supposed to understand that if I'm not entirely sure that you do?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I think, maybe its probably best that we just go back to being parent-teacher. Friendship is just too complicated right now." He nodded.

"Ok. Jack, come on down, I'll take you to school."

"I can still drive him to school-" I started.

"No, that's ok. Wouldn't want anything to be too complicated." He said, turning and leaving the kitchen without another word. I sighed.

I didn't think you could  break up with someone without being in a relationship but...based on how I feel right now, it is entirely in the realm of possibility. I heard the front door close, and I knew that that was Jack and Aaron leaving. I pinched the bridge of my nose, leaning on the counter as Charlotte came into the kitchen.

"Why did Jack and Mr. Hotchner leave?" She asked. I shook my head.

"They just wanted to get a head start this morning. That's all." I lied.