bulletproof

11

a/n *hopefully, this is okay...I know it's been a while...I hadn't realised how long until I had to actually write this chapter. I've rewritten it a dozen times, just not able to start it properly. I'm hoping it actually works with the rest of the story but if it doesn't, please message me about it! I hope you guys start the week well! Let me know if you want me to end this story with Y/N and Steve together or not!*

"So, how're you feeling?" Bruce was the first to ask, his glasses set askew on the bridge of his nose as he stood a bit away from the others, being the only one to actually be standing upright, the others either crouching or kneeling on the ground.

Y/N smiled at him, albeit weakly, "I've been better..."

Nat looked at her, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears and Y/N gave her a weird look, "Nat...are you crying?" She sounded incredulous as she stared at her badass best friend, a person who never cracked under any kind of pressure. Ever. Now that she had a proper look at her face, Nat looked dead on her feet...like she'd been awake for hours and hours. 

Nat rubbed at her eyes and glared at Y/N for a split-second before her face split into a wide grin, her eyes lighting up and almost immediately, her tired look faded away, "Shut up...I thought my best friend was going to die..."

Clint let out a sound of protest beside her and she elbowed him, making Y/N laugh and then cough violently, pain starting up in her abdomen again from her jerking movements, "Don't worry, Clint, we can share the title of being her best friend."

Steve smiled softly at her, sitting in the chair on her left as she chatted away with the others, her face lighting up and masking the heavy shadows under her eyes and a grim look on her face from surgery.

Eventually, the nurse came in to ask them to leave, which was a good call as Y/N was starting to faze out of conversations and would stare blankly ahead, lost in thought.

"Bye! We'll come to visit tomorrow!" Clint assured her as the nurse almost forcefully pushed them out of the room, waving at her as the door closed on his face.

Y/N settled back into her pillows, her eyelids becoming heavier and heavier to keep open and then finally dozed off into a dreamless sleep.

~~~Time Skip~~~

Pain. That's all she could feel. Just pain and more pain. She could feel the bullet penetrate her body, slamming through her like a small knife, slicing her internally. She wanted to scream but she couldn't. Her breathing shallowed up. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Please help me. She wanted to scream so badly, cry the pain away...but that's not how it works.

God, it hurts. Please, God, help. The pain. She couldn't breathe. Nothing was functioning anymore. Her knees wobbled, loosening in their screws and having her collapse to the floor like a rag doll just before she whispered, "Steve?"

His face, it was worse than the physical pain. She had planned to ask him something. Something important. She couldn't think and words were tumbling from her lips like the blood from her wound.

She wanted to live and fulfil her life...but she desperately wanted the pain to end. She begged for death.

I want to die.

The knocking at the door had her jolt out of her dream, her heart pounding in her chest and ears, and her fingers in pain from gripping the sheets too hard. 

"It's okay...I'm all right..." She whispered to herself, "I'm back home, in my room, I haven't been to the hospital in three weeks. I'm all right." She had to remind herself where she was every time she opened her eyes.