bulletproof

27

*The picture's not exactly right (lowkey kinda annoyed by it) but anyways...hope you enjoy this chapter!!!*

He shouldn't have done that to Bucky. He knew that. He couldn't get the look of fear in his best friend's eyes as he lunged for him. It was stuck there, ingrained in his mind. And he deserved the guilt pushing down on him. 

The past days have been hell. Every time he turned, he swore he could see Y/N in the corner of his eye but when he turned to her, she wasn't there. 

He didn't sleep. He had gotten used to comfort. To sharing his nights with someone he loved. The bed felt too big now that Y/N didn't share it with him. 

He tried to be strong. He didn't break like he had the first time. Everything, all his emotions, got locked up in him, instead of pouring out. He had decided it was for the best. Nat didn't talk to anyone anymore, anyway. Clint and Sam tried to be uplifting and wash out the sombre atmosphere of the base but failed. Both Tony and Bruce went to the lab and locked themselves up there for hours upon hours.

And Steve...well he went through the day like a robot. Life was grey now. He went through the same routine day in day out. Wake up. Shower. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. And on it went.

He gulped down the dregs of his coffee and stood up, pushing himself off the stool and walking out to go stay in his room, just like every day. 

For the hundredth time, he wished Y/N would be here. She didn't have to stay for long, only for a while. Just so that he could hear her voice again. See her again. Make her laugh for the last time

"Hey, Steve..." her voice said softly from behind him, "You okay?"

He turned around and sighed at the sight of her. Y/N. Looking beautiful...and alive. She looked so alive. Butterflies went into a craze in his stomach, like every time he saw her. He longed to rush over to her side and kiss her again. But she wasn't real. She wasn't actually there.

He swallowed back a lump in his throat and blinked back stinging tears from his eyes, "I...I think so...It's just, it's hard." He whispered in his admittance.

She smiled, in understanding, maybe, and reached out a hand, beckoning for him to sit beside him. He shook his head at her gesture and let out an unsteady breath, wrapping his arms around his torso, "I can't...you're not real."

"No, I'm not real," Y/N agreed, nodding slowly, lowering her hand and bringing to her side again. Her kind smile faded slightly and she watched him stare at her, curiosity gleaming in her 'not-dead' eyes.

"Did Bucky..." Steve started before breaking off, "It doesn't matter now, does it?"

Y/N shook her head and folded her arms on the countertop, "No, not anymore."

"I miss you...it's only been a week but...I miss you." His voice cracked and he turned away from the figment of imagination to hide his tears.

"Steve, look at me," Y/N said, gently, "You don't need to hide your emotions, you know that, right? It doesn't make you any lesser of a human being."

He looked over his shoulder at her and saw the same tear-filled gaze on her face as on his. He wiped at his eyes, sniffing quietly before facing her and walking towards her, his heart thumping louder and louder in his ears as he drew one step closer and closer to her. To the ghost version of Y/N.

"Why are you here?" He murmured, hesitant to touch her. He was going to break the beautiful fantasy of her being alive if he touched her. Reality was going to kick in and his hand would just go through her.