bulletproof

12

Tony looked up from his work in his lab as he heard someone enter, feeling their presence hovering behind him. He turned and looked at Y/N, his concentrated expression breaking into a smile as he set his eyes on her. The smile faded into concern as he noticed her gaunt features, the heavy bags under her eyes, and the emotionless look on her face.

"Y/N? You okay?" He asked, dropping his tools on the table and facing her fully, staring right into her face.

She sighed and picked at the skin around her fingers, "Yeah, I'm fine...I was just wondering if you could remove me from Field Duties for an extra month? I know you're not exactly the boss of the team but you have a strong sway as manager and..." She drifted off, hopelessly.

Tony softened and slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in a half-hug, "Why don't you ask Steve yourself, huh? I'm pretty sure he'll do anything to make you happy. He's putty in your hands, you know..." He suggested, comfortingly.

She shrugged, "I don't really...I don't really want to see Steve right now...he's..." She exhaled with irritation, "He's overbearing. It's annoying! And...well...I flinch whenever I see him...I mean, I know you understand because you've been through the whole thing but...yeah." Her admittance felt sour in her mouth as she spilled out all her troubles.

Tony pulled her into a full hug, resting his chin on her shoulder and encouraging her to hug back. He whispered in her ear, softly, "I'll talk to Cap for you. But you should go see someone about this, trust me about this."

She nodded reluctantly and he smiled at the feeling of her head shifting up and down in agreement, "All right."

"Now," he pulled out of the embrace and clasped her shoulders with his hands, "How 'bout you help me out with this project, I can explain slowly for you, if you like?"

She beamed at him as he stayed off the heavy topic from before, relaxing finally and feeling like herself, if only for a few hours.

~~~

Steve focused on the blueprints on his desk, furrowing his brow as he scanned them, preparing for the next mission. This would be the first one with Y/N coming back. He'd chosen an easy one, wanting to slide her back into the field with no difficulty. Part of him was anxious and uncomfortable with her going back on field after such a short period but another part, a larger part of him was excited for this. He loved exchanging snarky comments with her, fighting alongside with her, knowing she'll have his back and he'll have hers. The adrenaline would sometimes get to his head a little too strongly and he'd sometimes lose control, tearing through the battlefield furiously, getting careless with his actions, and she was the only one who could bring him back to reality...almost like Nat and Bruce. 

He shifted the papers, changing to a few files on some desired HYDRA agents. His eyes froze over the printed out letters of 'James Buchanan Barnes', and his heart leapt out of his chest. His finger traced over the name and descended down to the information panels, his heartbeat loud in his ears as he read the crimes and atrocities that his friend had committed. He had fought him before...during the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D. but as Nick built his organisation back up from the ground, Steve had put off delving into his best friend's tortured past.

A soft knock sounded at the door and Sam walked in, carrying a flask of coffee with him, taking sips as he regarded his friend with interest, squinting to see what was printed on the thin, yellow work papers, spying the last name at the top of the page. 'Barnes'.

He couldn't deny the spark of jealousy he felt whenever he watched Steve have an almost panic-attack when Barnes' name was mentioned, but he always knew to shove that feeling down into the abyss. 

"You all right?" He asked, taking a seat on a swivel chair situated in the far corner of the room after dragging it down to the desk.

Steve looked up, seemingly like he hadn't noticed Sam enter the room and relaxed, "Yeah, I think so." He gave him a reassuring smile but Sam shook his head.

"We'll find him, don't worry." Sam forced out the words, he did have sympathy for Barnes' agonisingly painful history with HYDRA, but there was a part of him which just didn't like the sound of him, at all. And he still didn't forgive him for having destroyed his car and almost killing them. More than once!

Cap ran his hands through his cropped blond hair, wiping his face with his palms before sighing heavily through his nose and tossing the files aside, not wanting to deal with it right now, "I might invite Y/N to help us find him, she would always ask me about him and if we do find him, I think he would benefit with a little kindness, and not from the people he fought against, you know?" Steve stated, "I mean, he fought you, Nat, and I, and Tony looks too much like his dad...so, she'd be a safe bet."

Sam nodded, he didn't disagree with that. Barnes would need a friendly face, and not one that might trigger even more violence.

F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice came out from hidden speakers, informing them that Tony was on his way to see them. Steve acknowledged her statement and tidied up all the papers, stuffing them into a drawer just as Tony swung the door open, making them both wince as the door slammed into the wall and then ricocheted violently back into place.

"What's up?" Steve asked, nonchalantly, locking the drawer with a small key he kept on a string around his neck.

Tony sighed, looking like he was dreading to say this, "Y/N's asked me to tell you that she wants out for this mission, and the next missions for a month."

Steve's heart plummeted. There was something up with Y/N...she avoided him now, all the time. And what made it worse was that he didn't know why. She had been friendly and herself the first week after the surgery but then she started to shut herself off from everyone.

"Why?" His voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears and he cringed internally and cleared his throat, repeating the word but with more authority, "Why?"

Tony took his yellow-tinted glasses off his face and tucked them into a pocket, massaging his temples, "She doesn't feel ready for any of that yet. She just needs time to recuperate, it's been hard on us all, but especially her."

"Right..." Steve said, masking the hurt in his tone, "Why couldn't she tell me this herself?"

He fought the urge to demand if it was because maybe she hated him? Or thought it was his fault? Because that's what he thought. He hated himself and thought it was his fault she got hurt. His adrenaline had gotten out of control again and he didn't pay attention to the agents targeting his partners, too preoccupied trying to reach the agents from across the field with his shield.

"She's just tired, mentally, you know? She's just...she needs to fully wrap her head around the idea that she could have died..." Tony replied, concern lacing his words.

"And that it was my fault?" Steve's voice was flat as the words fell out of it.

Tony's attention peaked up and he shook his head, "Don't say that. It wasn't your fault, none of it was our fault. It was the agent's fault, and we dealt with it."

"But if I had paid more attention...it wouldn't have happened!" Steve responded, sounding urgent and frantic, fully believing it was his fault in her injury.

Tony moved closer and looked him directly in the eyes, "Stop blaming yourself, Rogers. It's not about you. Don't go down that road, you'll never be able to get out of it." A warning.

Steve's shoulders slumped as he took in his words, "I'm sorry."

The billionaire scoffed, sadly, "Stop. Don't apologise. Go forward, don't hang around in the past, it's a waste of time and energy." And then he strode out, starting to throw commands at F.R.I.D.A.Y. to inform Y/N that he was returning to the lab.

Steve turned to Sam, asking for his opinion.

Sam shrugged his shoulders, crossing his arms over his chest, "I think he's right."

A/N *What did you think? What's your opinion on Y/N avoiding Steve? And, please please please let me know if you think Y/N and Steve should end up together at the end of the story, because I haven't figured out exactly if they'll end happy or sad, you know? If you have some ideas you would like to share and maybe want them to appear in this story, don't hesitate to message me!*