Unexpected Turns

19: Epilogue

When I open the door to my dorm, I find Scott. It's been a week since I last saw him, last heard from him, and he looks just as exhausted as I feel inside. He drove all night to get back to campus, and I know he just wants to crash. But nonetheless, he holds up a grocery bag, and I know that ice cream is inside.

That's one thing I love about Scott. No matter how tired he is, or whatever he is feeling, he always puts everything on hold for me. What did I ever do to deserve him as my best friend?

"Hey," he says with a weak smile.

I try to force a smile back, but what comes instead is a wince as I try to hold back tears. His face immediately softens as he reaches for me, but I shake my head. "I'm okay," I try to tell him, and he just nods, letting me lie straight to his face. He pulls me into a tight hug, and I don't think I've ever sobbed so hard.

We stay like that for a long while. It isn't until about an hour later when I've calmed down, and we sit on my couch eating ice cream with Dirty Dancing playing on the TV. Scott had reached for the Grease CD, but I shook my head. It's an awful feeling to be too afraid to watch your favorite movie because of the person you last watched it with. I can still hear Chris's voice in my head jokingly singing along to You're The One That I Want. Ironically enough, at the time, he was the one that I wanted. He still is.

Scott and I watch in silence. I can feel the anticipation in the air. I know he wants to talk about Chris. But not right now. Right now, I can be selfish in wanting to have this moment to be so caught up in a movie that everything else falls away.

But as soon as the movie is over and the screen turns black, Scott turns to look at me. "Chris left," he says after a beat. "Dani stayed here with Parker. He and Chris worked out a system to take care of her."

I swallow. Scott is Chris's brother. I have to learn how to act normal at the mention of his name. "Meaning?"

Scott shrugs. "A threesome? I don't know. But they all came to an understanding the other day after you left, and I think things are going to be okay."

I nod, feeling a shed of relief. I'm glad they could finally work things out, even if Chris and I couldn't. There was hope for them, and if removing myself from the problem was what it took, I am happy that I did it--even if I'm not truly happy. I probably won't be for a while, and I'm okay with that.

After a moment of silence, I release a huff of air. "So he's really gone?"

I don't dare look at Scott. I don't want to see the pity in his eyes. "Yeah," he replies. "He is." Out of the corner of my eye, I see Scott frown. Then, I see him reach into his back pocket.

He pulls out a slip of paper, and I feel my heart stop. "Chris wanted me to give you this," he says.

I don't even feel myself reach for it, but suddenly, it is in my grasp and my stomach is in my throat. Slowly, I unfold the scrap, and sure enough, there's Chris's recognizable scrawled handwriting.

Char, Charlie, Charlotte.

I know things have changed, but they haven't really. When you're ready, I'll be here. Even if you decide you aren't ever ready, I'll understand, but I won't ever change my mind. I love you, I want you, and this isn't the end of us.

-Chris

I feel my heart swell with so much intensity that I stagger. I stand abruptly, the paper falling from my fingers, and the room spins. I stumble towards my room, and before I know it, I am kneeling over the toilet.

There is nothing but ice cream I my stomach, and it all comes pouring out. I puke up my insides with so much intensity, I feel my abs grow sore. My cheeks are sticky with tears, the sides of my mouth with vomit. And I stay like that, throwing up, until I see black spots.

When I'm finished, Scott stands behind me, his face wiped with shock. He's thinking the same thing I am, though he couldn't possibly feel my dread. "Charlie..."

I meet his gaze. I knew it, Chris knew it, and both of us were right. It wasn't over between us, not completely. Yet out of everything that has happened between us, I don't think either of us could've predicted this unexpected turn.