Loving the Enemy

Kyle-12

Dear no one,

They call it falling in love because you can feel yourself slowly becoming someone else's as every living day passes and it's like the same thing is happening to me but instead of falling in love I'm falling in hate. Every day I feel myself hating her more than I did the last.
-Kyle

You can love someone so much and it can still not be enough for them to stay, just as you can hate someone so much and it's still may not be enough to make them leave. I guess it all comes down to perception, and how much you can expect from someone. There's this girl I used to know named Hannah who's boyfriend treated her like absolute and utter shit and she'd always tell her friends that she stayed with him because her love for him outweighed the hatred for the way he treated her, it's like people don't know when it's time to just walk away from a bad situation until it's completely out of control. I don't want Olivia to end up being my Hannah.

I feel like loving someone and caring about them are two completely different things, you can care for someone and still not love them, just as you can love someone and not actually care about them. So I guess that also means you can hate someone and still care about them, right? I mean if you take the time to hate someone your subconsciously caring, rather if you'd like to admit it or not.

Days have passed us incomplete in utter silence, she's tried to talk to me but I've stayed mute. The little bit of food we did have is running dangerously low, I can only imagine all the people who are wondering where I am, all the parties I've missed. I don't even know how many days we've been in here but school break must be coming to an end.

Olivia is fast asleep on the floor, she was having a bad dream last night and I heard her crying and I care. I know I shouldn't, logically it's ridiculous for me to be worried about her, let alone caring, but fuck here I am in broad daylight completely awake because I'm scared if I close my eyes she might....need me.

It's weird hating someone with everything in your body and still caring if something or someone, besides you is causing them pain. Is that sick? Don't even answer that, I know it is. 

I wish she was ugly. I've said it so many times but I got to say it again because you can't even begin to comprehend how fucking pretty she actually is, it's honestly the worst part. As awful as it is to say it's easy to hate an ugly girl, a girl with no charm, nor beauty, but then there are girls like Olivia with both but they're horrible human beings, I hate that life is funny like that. I wonder if pretty girl just have ugly personalities or does being a pretty girl gives you an ugly personality. Either way, ugly is ugly, whether physically or mentally. Neither is really better than the other in my opinion.

I've been debating different ways I should destroy my twin sister in my head, and the best one so far is running over all the Sephora makeup she got for Christmas with my dad's truck. Oh, will that make me feel better or perhaps I should give her a taste of her own medicine an-

"How long have you been up?" Olivia's voice startled me, causing me to flinch at the sound. She's sitting up against the wall and her eyes are wide and her hair is shamelessly wild all over her head. How does someone wake up and still look like that, it makes me hate her even more.

"Doesn't matter we need to get the fuck out of here," I speak to her finally after days of trying to distance myself from her in order to get my head back on track. She stands up and I hear her stomach growl we make eye contact and her tan cheeks turn pink and she instantly looks away. I sigh deeply standing up as well. "I'm going to try to break the door," I tell to this to myself more than her as I move in front of it then taking a few steps back. Olivia stands back against the side of the wall to give me space, I take a deep breath and charge at it as hard as I can, all the years of football and doing weight training came with me as I threw my shoulder hard against the door.