Trigger Warning - mentions of self harm/suicide
Y/N's P.O.V.
It had been a long day at work and I was tired. Tired of everything. Mostly tired of all the stupid comments that get thrown at me at work. I sounded like an insecure teenager, but when people are constantly throwing insults at you all day, you start to believe them, no matter how wrong they are.
As soon as I got into my house, I could hear my boyfriend and his friends in the kitchen, laughing. I sighed and dropped my keys into the bowl by the door as I shrugged off my jacket. I moved towards the stairs, but two arms wrapped around me. Joe picked me up and I sighed as he threw me over his shoulder, causing me to help quietly.
"Look who I just found trying to sneak upstairs." Joe grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm tired." I whined and a hand collided with my butt.
"Peter Wentz touch my ass again and you'll have less hands than Patrick in the Youngblood Chronicles."
"Sorry, Y/N." Joe put me down and Pete hugged me.
"How was work?"
"Exhausting." I sighed and broke the hug.
"I'm just gonna go and lay down for a bit."
"Okay, shout me if you want anything." He pressed a kiss to my head and I smiled slightly. Pete was someone I would never get tired of.
"Y/N, you sure you're okay? You look kind of, I don't know, nervous...?" Patrick asked in concern and I shook my head.
"Just a little dizzy from being thrown over Joe's shoulder." I lied and he didn't look convinced, but nodded his head.
"Sorry." Joe laughed and I left the kitchen, hearing Patrick say something, but not understanding a word of it. (Nothing new there)
"Yeah, see you." I heard Andy say, before the door opened. I walked into mine and Pete's shared room and dropped onto my side of the bed. On each side of the bed was a small bedside table with three drawers in it. It was almost like a silent agreement not to go digging into each other's stuff.
I opened the bottom drawer and moved the bag out of the way, looking down at the contents with a sigh.
"Everything okay?" I slammed the drawer shut and looked at Pete with wide eyes.
"You made me jump." I squeaked and he walked in the room, towards me, before placing a bottle of water on the table, sitting next to me.
"What's in there?" He asked, making eye contact. I broke it almost immediately.
"It doesn't matter." I said and he took my hand, squeezing it lightly.
"Yes it does. It matters to me." He said softly.
"Y/N, baby, look at me please?"
"Pete, please don't." I muttered, looking at him. Tears began to sting my eyes and he pressed a gentle kiss to my head, before moving and opening the drawer. I didn't dare move as he took in a deep breath, tensing up.
Silently, he emptied the contents of the drawer onto the table in front of the water bottle.
Two bottles of sleeping pills, three razor blades, two rolls of bandages and a notepad and a pen. The notepad was empty, besides a few ripped out pages.
"Y/N, what...?" Pete asked, not sounding angry, but hurt.
"Why?"
"I wasn't going to do anything. I just looked at them." I whispered, knowing if I spoke any louder, my voice would crack.
"Take your clothes off." He said suddenly and I looked at him.
"I need to know you haven't done anything."
"Can't you take my word for it?" I asked and he didn't say anything.
"Pete, please."
"Y/N, you've been on edge for weeks, you won't get changed in the same room as me, you've been more tired, going to bed earlier, awake and out of the house, before I can wake up properly. Something is wrong and I was hoping you would tell me, but I never expected this." He ran a hand through his hair.
"I thought you were cheating, but then Andy reminded me it was you and you feel guilty about finding another guy attractive."
"Pete, I really don't want to." I muttered.
"Why not?" His voice cracked.
"Y/N, I know you- we both have a history with this stuff. Y/N, I need to know. I know what it's like and I can't stand the thought of you hurting yourself. Please, Y/N. I love you."
"Do you?" I asked, getting annoyed with myself.
"More than anything. I love you, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything." Tears filled his eyes.
"I love you too, but I can't." He squeezed my hand and I sighed.
"Pete, look at me. I'm ugly, fat, I have no real talent and I'm not the smartest person ever. Everyone at work sees it, everyone does. I don't know why you even like me."
"I don't like you." My heart cracked and he sighed.
"I love you. I'll say it 1000 times if I have to. I'll write 1000 songs and it won't compare to how I feel about you. You're beautiful, amazing, strong, smart and I love you."
"Pete, stop." I said, feeling a tear fall. He wiped it away instantly.
"I don't care what you look like or how much you weigh. I love your laugh, your kindhearted nature, when you get jealous and all pouty." He let go of my hand and pulled on the bottom of my tee. Knowing I wouldn't win, I helped him take it off.
"I love this part of you, and this." He pressed small kisses all over my body from my neck, to my scarred wrists, to my torso.
"And for the record, you're not fat or ugly, you never will be. If I was concerned about your weight, I would mention it and we'd both start eating more healthily, but we don't have to."
"I love you too, Pete." I smiled and he kissed my lips, smiling slightly.
"Good, because Fall Out Boy are going on tour next week and I want you to come with us. Quit your job and come with me." He smiled and I nodded my head.
"Great. Right now, I think we should deal with this."
"It's all old stuff. I haven't touched it in years." I admitted, pulling my tee back on.
"Good, but we should get rid of it. It's a reminder and you can't move on knowing it's still there." He looked at me seriously. I nodded my head and he stood up, carefully picking up the blades and the bottles of pills, before going into the bathroom. I followed him and watched as he dropped the blades down the toilet. He looked at me expectantly and I let out a shaky breath, before moving forward and flushing it. He wrapped an arm around me and handed me a bottle of pills, pulling me over to the sink and turning the tap on. We both tipped the pills away and threw the bottles in the bin.
"Pete-" He pulled me into a hug.
"Thank you."
"I'm so proud of you, baby. It's gonna be okay." I rested my head against his shoulder, knowing he was right.
