Longing After Wang Ye's Shadow

Chapter 4 - Drawing of Shadow IV

There was a loss in Wang Ye's manor.

Auntie Liu quietly passed away in her sleep. Wang Ye kept quiet about her death, but still showed Auntie Liu respect and went through all the proper rituals to send her off. Even though Auntie Liu was a mere servant in Wang Ye's home, he cared for her being gone.

Auntie Liu was the only person besides Wang Ye to show me kindness in all my years of living in Wang Ye's Manor. We mutually respected one another and took our roles seriously. She never belittled me for the shortcomings I could not control. I was going to miss her dearly.

Often, she'd tell me that she was leaving the care of Wang Ye to me. Those were words of a promise I felt I did not deserve. However, Auntie Liu was gone. I had to at least honor her in that regard since I was not able to give her anything when she was alive.

After losing the person who cared for him since birth, Wang Ye was invited to the royal palace for the Emperor's birthday celebration. He had to attend. I could only imagine the stress he was under. To appear pleased and content while grieving, masking his vulnerability from those who considered themselves to be his family. He had to be meticulous and not show his true thoughts or else this could be used against him.

Wang Ye's stoic personality was something I grew accustomed to. Anger, frustration, hurt, and pain... he had learned to numb himself to all of it. Or maybe I was only assuming and came to this conclusion about his demeanor.

Unexpectedly, I was chosen to accompany Wang Ye on this trip to capital city. In our shared room, Xiao Bai watched on as I packed a bundle, preparing for travel the next day.

"I-- I-- I wished I could go-- go-- with you, Chu-- Chu-- Chu Chu Jiejie." She stared at the ground, pouting like a child.

"Well, I'll be back soon. We're only going for the celebration and heading straight back." I folded a second set of clothes, setting it on the cloth that was laid out on my bed.

"I-- I-- I know that."

I stopped packing and stare at her. She was disheartened to not be going to capital city. Without Wang Ye and I here, I worried she would probably be looked down on by the other servants. However, Xiao Bai had developed more of a back bone in all this time. Gaining more confidence, she was able to stand up for herself without my intervention.

"If you need anything, talk to Head Servant Song, all right?"

"Mm... I-- I-- I wanted to see Young-- Young-- Young Master Jin. I-- I-- heard he was going to-- to-- be there."

"Yeah, he's going as well. He's already on his way, but will most likely travel back with Wang Ye."

I wrapped the corners of the cloth over my clothes and made knots to secure the light luggage.

Xiao Bai said, "Young-- Young-- Young Master Jin is so nice. I-- I-- I saw him the other day underneath the cherry-- cherry-- cherry blossom trees. He-- He-- He looked so beautiful."

"Xiao Bai, you may admire Young Master Jin, but do not have wishful thinking," I told her sternly.

"What-- What-- What do you mean?"

"Men like Young Master Jin will never have eyes for women like us. Do not hurt yourself by wishing to be more."

"I-- I-- I don't understand. I-- I-- I like Young-- Young Master Jin. He-- He-- He's nice to me."

"Do not mistake kindness for affection."

"I-- I-- I'm allowed to have dream-- dream-- dreams! I-- I-- I'm allowed to wish for-- for someone to love-- love me. Just-- Just-- Just because you've given up doesn't-- doesn't mean I have." Her stubborn and childish mentality was once again seeping through.