An Open Sky

Chapter Thirty-Nine ~Aidan~

I’m sorry; the only words I had for her, and I was muted by my own self-pity.

                Instead, I’d only requested a promise. A life for a promise, one as stupid as yeah, I’ll totally visit you again. My heart lurched with the realization that the promise was worthless. My body burned with the longing for her touch, with the faded desire of saving her.

                I let her fall away. I let her slip out of my grasp. I knew she was gone, but she felt closer now than she’d ever been before. I could control fear. I could control pain. Why couldn’t I control love?

                Dale groaned beside me, his body stretching like a shadow against the wall. I watched him lean closer to me out of the corner of my eye.

                “You’re awake,” he moaned. I heard him shift in his seat and slightly lift the paper-thin blinds behind him. A thin slit of light appeared on the bed, molding to my legs as it stretched before me. The ruffled blanket transformed the light into an uneven, jagged line. The faint memory of dark red blood pouring from gashes shaped in a similar fashion formed like fog in my mind. I glanced down to my wrists. They were still wrapped with almost an inch of padding and bandages.

                Dale dropped the blinds closed. They clanked on the metal windowsill, which was similar to the rest of the windowsills that were lining the bottom of all the prison-style windows in the building. I flinched.

                “Sorry,” he muttered, silently mouthing a curse to the blinds. “How are you feeling?”

                I shrugged, turning my head into my pillow. I couldn’t face him. Not after I’d let him down. He’d trusted me. I’d taken him for granted. Guilt tugged at my stomach.   

                “Aidan,” his hand tugged at my gown, “you could at least look at me.”

                I knew he wasn’t expecting a response and I didn’t give him one.

                “I’m not mad, you know that. It wasn’t your fault.” His fingers released my gown, gripping the side of the mattress in its place.

                “Yeah it is,” my voice came out barely audible, “you know it is. They were right.”

                “Who was right? Right about what, Aidan?”

                “My parents,” I was practically choking on my words, “I’m nothing…I shouldn’t be here.”

                “And what do you mean by that?” Dale jumped up next to me, the urgency of his movement startling me.

                I stared up at him. “Alive,” I spat, “I shouldn’t be alive. They should have just let me die there.” I was surprised I held his eyes for so long. I waited for his eyes to turn cold, for his fist to clench and create a fresh scar in my cheek. But his eyes only softened at my words.

                The laws of my life were so rigged, so strict, but with Dale everything was gone, all the rules, the pain. I found myself doubting everything I’d ever known. I shut my eyes, clenching my jaw harder and harder until my teeth throbbed in protest.  

                My father’s fist was once again sinking into my stomach. I couldn’t breathe; I felt like collapsing, yet he held me upright against the wall. The paint fumes filtered through my nostrils as he pulled me to him. I was thrown back against the wall. Pain is the only way to teach someone, understand? I’m doing this for your own good, Aidan. You’re a man, act like it.

                I fell out of his grasp, writhing like a fish on the floor. Is that all you’ve got? The alcohol fumes burned my eyes as he kneeled next to me. You’re weak, helpless. His knee collided with my spine. I cried out as the throbbing subsided.

                He stood, pacing around the kitchen. I could hear the sharp clicking of my mother’s heels on the tile. Their voices transformed into raspy whispers. Worst mistake of my life…was all I heard before crawling out of the room.

                “Aidan, Aidan.” Dale shook my shoulders. I kept my eyes closed, but he continued. “That’s not true. Don’t you ever say that. You’re special, Aidan, you look at things in a perspective some people can only dream of having. You’re not nothing, understand? The only reason you think you’re nothing is because those parents of yours engrained it in your mind and you’re too blind to see how great you really are.”

                “Thanks Dale, but I don’t need your pity talk,” I mumbled. “I’ve heard it before.”

                Dale bent over and picked up his coat. “It’s not a pity talk, Aidan. Truth is I don’t feel sorry for you, not one bit. I’ve done all I can, Aidan. The rest is up to you. If you decide to destroy yourself with all the negatives, then that’s your choice. You want to waste your life? Go ahead, but let me tell you, that will be a pretty amazing life gone.” He headed toward the door.

                I opened my mouth to tell him he was right, that I still needed him, but my voice was suffocated inside of me, drowned out by my pride.  

                “You’re still alive for a reason, Aidan.” He nodded to the nurse stepping into the room, “Take care of him.” I watched his shoulders turn from me as his boots thudded down the hallway.  

                And there went the last person that I’d ever cared about.

                I was alone.