Utterly Forgettable | MM Romance | Complete

Twenty-Eight: Emery: A Higher, Less Definable Price

That Emery's hands didn't shake as he retrieved his jacket was a minor miracle. He'd just been contemplating the very real possibility of having lost Josh in his life in any capacity, and here Josh was, right in front of him, telling him he'd rather have Emery stay, and it... It would have made him happy, if only it weren't contingent on how vulnerable Josh must be feeling.

Emery wished he knew for sure if he was allowed to go to him, to wrap Josh in his arms, no matter for how short a time. To give back some of the comfort Josh had offered him in spades. But he wouldn't be the one to initiate touch, not even something as harmless as a hug; not after how spectacularly he'd ruined things last time.

Whatever had happened with this latest client must have been devastating. Emery felt grateful for the opportunity to be the one to help soothe that, somehow. He'd find a way. "Have you eaten?"

Josh shrugged. "I'm not really hungry."

Emery had been saving every cent he earned, to be able to both afford therapy and leave Josh's house as quickly as possible while still living up to the standards Josh expected of his departure. Taking Josh out would mean dipping into that fund, but leaving Josh to dwell on whatever had happened was out of the question. He'd work harder, find more students to tutor, more people who needed help with their taxes, more small businesses as well. He'd do whatever needed to be done but, for now, Josh was his priority.

He waved to the hallway, closing the door behind them. "That tells me you haven't. We'll start with lunch."

They could have ordered in, or gone somewhere closer to home, but Emery made it a point to choose a pizzeria that would let them walk for at least fifteen minutes before getting there. Josh looked like he needed to clear his head. Their walk was filled with idle chatter, with talk of daily nonsense and the occasional anecdote involving the mathematically-challenged, among which Josh counted himself. It was neither particularly interesting nor particularly funny, but Emery felt Josh needed him to keep talking, and he understood the sentiment well.

Silence had a multitude of meanings. People mistook it for a simple thing but it was layered, complex. While it tended to be comfortable between the two of them, it made it too easy to get lost in one's mind, and Josh wouldn't welcome the inner stroll at the moment.

There were barely any patrons at that hour, which suited them just fine. Sitting at a small table close to the massive stone oven, they might as well have been the only two people in the world. It wasn't until they were halfway through their pizza that Emery thought to offer Josh's words back to him. "I feel the need to point out that — as you so memorably put it — just because I won't ask, it doesn't mean I'm not interested."

It still sent a shiver down his spine, the memory of Josh saying that very same thing to him. How, for the barest of moments, Emery had thought there might be a fraction of a chance between them, a sliver of hope. Fanciful thinking, that he'd do well to put behind him, especially if he wanted to become something of a friend to Josh.

"I'd like to log a protest," Josh said,"that your memory is too good. You're not supposed to turn my words against me."

Emery snorted. "I'd hardly class them as being against you if I'm attempting to lend an ear. Shall I play at forgetfulness in the future?"

The hand that Josh wasn't using to hold his slice of pizza opened and closed on the table, as if he weren't quite sure what to do with it. Emery's eyes were drawn to the unexpected movement, his own hand stilling, his body anticipating what his mind hadn't conceived yet.

He held his breath when Josh chose to reach across the table to clap said hand on top of Emery's, warm fingers curling over his. It was all Emery could do, to curl his own in response and hold it there. Not too tightly, in case Josh wanted to pull away, but not so loosely Josh would mistake it for disinterest. A gentle smile eased Josh's handsome features, light playing in his captivating gray eyes.