Utterly Forgettable | MM Romance | Complete

Forty: Get Your Own House In Order 2/2

As usual, Thursday was game night. Josh was supposed to be having simple, straightforward fun that didn't revolve around Emery. Naturally, what that meant was that he botched every game because he couldn't stop picturing what Emery might be doing with the bedhead — with Tony — at the moment. They'd finally gone to get that long overdue cup of coffee and, well.

Josh hoped he'd been encouraging without sounding weird, but he wouldn't have put money on it. This was what he'd wished for Emery, the rational side of his brain supplied.

The rational side of his brain could take a hike. Jealousy or not, letting go or not, he felt protective enough of Emery to worry about him — wasn't that a fair enough sentiment? He didn't want to see Emery hurt or taken advantage of in any way. But then, Emery was leaving, sooner or later; likely sooner. The hunt for his new apartment hadn't gotten much traction yet, but it was only a matter of time. And there was no way of protecting a grown man from living, now, was there?

Letting go. He had to keep reminding himself that was the goal every day.

That was his state of mind as Mark volunteered him and Dan to go get supplies at the bodega. What had started as Josh being a nice guy had turned into a weekly thing, and they didn't bother buying half the beers until later in the night. That way no one (read: Zoe) could freeze them. The woman in question was engaged in a debate about rules with Sam, one that looked on the verge of escalating into an argument; neither Josh nor Dan needed much encouragement to flee the scene. Mark looked jealous of their escape but ended up staying behind, probably because he was afraid his apartment might be on fire by the time they got back, if he left Zoe and Sam alone right now.

Josh and Dan were silent on the way to and from the bodega. Dan was always the loud life of the party whenever he was around Zoe; in her absence he was more subdued, at least with Josh, whom he hadn't talked with outside the group, with the exception of the few calls about Emery when he'd been in the hospital.

Hindsight was 20/20, or so the saying went. In retrospect, it was clear that Josh having told the rational side of his brain to take a hike had been a bad idea, but he wasn't aware of that when he started contemplating the golden opportunity that had just presented itself. He never got Dan alone, and he hadn't been able to get the look in Zoe's eyes out of his mind. Maybe he could nudge Dan, have them sort out whatever was keeping them apart, or at least try to.

His own happiness was too far entangled in Emery for him to picture a clean break in the foreseeable future. Perhaps he could do something nice for someone else, have a hand in someone else's happiness that was unrelated to their death, for a change.

"Can I say something," he blurted as they were walking side by side on their way back to Mark's. No taking his words back now.

"Er... Sure?" Dan eyed him quizzically,

"She's not going to wait around forever."

He meant to continue, but Dan cut him off, making no attempt at dissimulation. "Your point?" Josh could swear the temperature had dropped by a few degrees, and they were outside in winter.

"My point is, either make a move or don't say you wish someone had opened your eyes while there was still time. There's still time now."

Dan's smile had no warmth in it. "My eyes are open. Have you bothered to consult with her, before you start booking the venue?"

So he knew. Josh had suspected he knew, but hearing it was more than a little baffling. "Do you want her or not?"

"Against her express wishes? Not."

"Oh, don't give me that," Josh bristled. "I'm not suggesting you whack her over the head with a mace, set her on your shoulder and marry her by force or something." Even as he was speaking he could hear Emma in his words. Damn that family, and whatever it was they had that had made Josh love them so much, each in their own way.

Dan offered him a level look. "So what are you suggesting?"

Ugh. What was he suggesting, other than 'go get the girl'? "Do you love her?"

"Assume I do. What are you suggesting?"

They'd stopped in front of Mark's building, an awkward parallel to his chat with Zoe about boxes of condoms and hot Spanish men. All this and Josh didn't really have any half-decent suggestion to put forward. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know, just... Show her you guys could be great together. You know her a lot better than I do — do something."

A laugh that was more than a little bitter. "One out of two isn't that bad, I guess. I do know her a lot better than you. And if she says we'd be a fucking disaster together, then we'd be a fucking disaster together." His voice picked up heat. "So unless you have a real suggestion, something helpful, that isn't 'do something,' do me a favor and go fuck yourself."

"Dan—" Josh raised his hands to appease him, but the man barrelled right over him.

"No. Mind your own fucking business for once if you have nothing to contribute." His voice was rising to the point where he was almost shouting. "You've always been Mark's nice friend who never butted in, and you always seemed alright to me, but lately you have a whole other thing going on. Whatever it is you're going through, that doesn't give you the right to use the rest of us as test subjects."

Dan turned to walk in the building, but Josh was unable to leave well enough alone tonight. "You wouldn't be this pissed off if you didn't want to try."

Dan spun back, towering over Josh, and for a moment Josh thought it might get physical. Picking a fight with someone even taller and certainly bulkier than himself hadn't been on his to do list for the night. Dan would win, no contest, but Josh would leave him bloody if it got to blows. It wasn't something he was looking forward to.

They stared at one another, Dan white as a sheet, Josh standing his ground while trying his best to appear non-threatening. Inch by inch, the tight lines around Dan's eyes painted a picture that spoke more of anguish than fury. His voice, booming only seconds before, sounded hoarse, cracking. "It takes two to try. I can't believe you'd bring this up only to say my big hope is to fuck right over what she wants. Get a grip, man. Grow a pair, get your own house in order, and then come talk to me."

This time Josh made no move to stop him when he went into the building. The rest of the night was not as awkward as it might have been for Josh, but only because Zoe and Sam were in a full-on shouting match when he arrived, and neither was available to notice the heavy tension between Dan and Josh. Mark, on the other hand, would require an explanation later.

He had the feeling he'd just screwed things between him and Zoe beyond any hope of mending. And all he'd wanted to do was help.