Xavier (Sugar Baby 2) ✔️

twenty-four: mirror

I took a deep breath, drumming my fingers impatiently on the table. I gazed at the cup of coffee in front of me, which I had ordered just for the heck of it. I sat up straight, my eyes darting nervously around the cafe. What the fuck was I doing?

Part of my brain wondered if Gray would approve of my actions. I didn't think he would stand against me, but he would accompany me. Maybe sit a little further away to stop me from killing Michael in case I gave in to my natural instincts.

But it didn't matter now. They were just thoughts.

I almost clutched my chest in pain and took a deep breath, taking a large sip of the disgustingly cold coffee. I couldn't allow my thoughts to be led astray. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and gazed out of the window. The cafe seemed eerily familiar to the one where I had been at with Scarlett. The only difference was the blue and white colour scheme. My mind wandered to this morning and the papers I had found in Caleb's room. I couldn't understand why he would have the financial records of the hospital and something was telling me that everything was not like it seemed.

The only good thing about the cafe was that it was pretty much deserted. My sole companions were the bored-looking shop owner, a middle-aged man, and an older woman typing away on a laptop at the farthest table. I waited impatiently, glancing at my wristwatch again and again. A quarter of an hour was still left for it to be the prescribed time, but each second I felt like I was inhaling sand.

The door opened, the tiny bell sounding merrily as my heart stopped in my chest. I gazed at the man now striding towards me, his eyes hesitant. I almost got to my feet and ran away from there, but I wasn't sure my legs would move. I tore my gaze away from him, my body numb when he took a seat across from me. A solid, impenetrable silence fell. I concentrated on maintaining my breathing, waiting for him to speak. The long healed scars on my body suddenly opened up and bled, making me dizzy.

"Xavier," he began, clearing his throat. My blood boiled at the very sound. "I...how are you?"

How am I? I almost laughed in his face.

I looked at him straight in the eye, anger coursing through me. "I sold myself on the streets to gain money for food. I've been shot and stabbed and almost died a few times. And I recently broke up with my boyfriend-" the slightly shocked look on his face disgusted me to my core. "-I bet you didn't even know I was gay. Well anyway, now my fucktard of a father called me up to apologize apparently and he just had the fucking guts to ask me how I was."

He sighed, his blue eyes morose. "Would you believe me if I told you I was a changed man?"

I smirked. "Yes. But you should know that so am I."

He was quiet again. I gazed at him silently, my heart barely keeping together. Before the alcohol had ruined him, I remembered the rare good, moments we had spent. The moments I had thrown in the deep chasm of my heart along with all the hurt and abuse. The memories of learning to ride the bicycle with him. The memories of cheering on the latest match even though I didn't know shit of what was going on. The memories of riding in the car with him. The memories of Christmas. Of him cooking and putting too much ginger into everything. It rattled my core.

I took a shuddering breath. I could never forgive myself if I broke down in front of him.

"I believe that too, Xavier."

Xavier. Xavier. Xavier. He kept calling me Xavier. As a child, he gave me new playful nicknames each week. Most of them insulting, but my heart ached at the thought.

"I...have sought help. I'm doing much better now. I...don't really have much to say, Xavier. I would apologize to you but-" his voice broke as did my heart. "I don't think it means anything now."