Cry of menace

chapter 27

Amelia

My eyes feel as if they're stuck when I try to open them. And when I do ,the first thing I see is William siting in front of me with a big smile. I don't know if I'm suppose to smile back .

" You woke up!" He says enthusiastically.

I don't why he is acting so weird . It's as if he is a completely different person.

" You were unconscious for about a week " he says

I don't say anything. I remember slicing my arms and legs in the hope that it would bring me pain and it did but I didn't expect William to behave in such a way .

" How do you feel? Do you want some water?" He asks

I nod and bring my hand forward when he brings the glass to my mouth and helps me drink ; ignoring my raised arm.

" You must be wondering why I'm behaving so nicely all of a sudden"

I don't know what to say , I don't know if this is some kind of game he is trying to play with me so I don't say anything.

" She told me! Mom told me about that day , she told me that you didn't drown her !" He says and starts sobbing.

I freeze as I watch this grown up man cry in front of me, the same man who made me beg, whipped me and abused me so much that I no longer wanted to live.

" You don't know how sorry I am ! I have selected some house near the beach, we can move there. What do you want to do now? You haven't been out of the house for months! Do you want to go for a walk?" He ask

I shake my head in disbelief. Does he expect that I will stay with him after all the things he did to me. Does he think that a house near the beach or a walk in the park will make me forget all those horrible things. How delusional is he!

" I want to leave William!" I stay sternly

" Yes..yes we'll go. Where do you want to go?"

" No william! I want to leave . I don't want you in my life. I cannot live with you anymore, not after all the things you did to me"

His face goes rigid. For a minute I think that he might slap me but he recovers quickly and says" I'll give you some time to rest and then we can talk about this"

He leaves and I wonder what will happen next. The fact that he knows about everything does not make me feel much better. He has imagined a future already. He still doesn't think about me . He thinks that we can just forget these past months and live happily ever after.

But I can never forget the torture he made me go through. The things he did to me. My throat is still swollen because he poured boiling water in my mouth and I'm supposed to forget this! I would rather die than act like a happy wife.

I close my eyes . I want to escape from all of this. I just want to live peacefully and it seems impossible to that with William.

I finally fall asleep after thinking about thousands of scenarios, about how this all could go wrong again. He knows about Posie and I'm relieved that he does but it doesn't make much difference. The damage has been done. I've lost everything. If only Susan would have told him a bit earlier, I would have escaped. I would have divorced him but I don't have the energy to do that now.

What will I even do when I escape? I have nothing . I can never have children. I won't get my children back. What's the point of living like this anyway, I think as I drift back to sleep.

...

I wake up as someone nudges me. I crack my eyes open to find William sitting beside me. I jump in fright and move away . His eyes softens as he looks at me.

" I'm just going to feed you" he says as he shoves a spoon of soup in my mouth.

As soon as he puts the hot soup in my mouth , I spit it out all over him as it burns my mouth . I cough and then gasp when I notice that I spat it all over him. I wait for something. I wait for him to hurt me but he doesn't. Instead he wipes himself and then makes the soup warm enough for me to eat it.

Throughout this I wonder if he wants to hit me or if he is just acting like a nice person and I think it's both. I want to talk to him, maybe convince him to let me go but I know it's nearly impossible. The fact that he has already imagined our future together tells me that it's very unlikely that he'll let me go.

" Um, I know you will never forgive me for what I did, but there's no harm in giving us a chance. I know it will be difficult for you, but I promise I'll always be there for you" he says making anger surge through me.

I know all of his promises are empty , everytime he did something, he justified himself by apologizing or making false promises.

" That's exactly what you promised when we got married. And these are the exact lines you always said when we had a fight. I'm dying William! I feel like a living corpse. You have shut me in this house for so long , I lost my children and with them I lost you. When Posie was dead in my arms , all I could think about was you making it better for me. I only wanted to live because I knew you'd be there for me through every second of it and what did you do instead? You abused me , you raped me! How can I ever forget that ?! "

" I know ! And I'm sorry ! I don't know what else I'm supposed to do!" He screams and I see a few tears in his eyes. It makes me feel better to see him like this. To see the tears glistening in his eyes and the spark of revenge burns in me but I push it aside. I don't want to turn into a horrible person.

" You know what you're supposed to do! You know what I want is to get out of here but ofcourse you wouldn't want that ! You want me chained to you forever . You are still such a selfish person! "I scream back

" We'll talk about this later , when you are in a better state of mind" he mutters and gets out leaving me with doubt and anxiety.