Cry of menace

Chapter 28

Amelia

I feel anxious and scared for the rest of the day. Whenever I fall asleep, I have nightmares wherein William is trying to kill me with plenty of new methods. As soon as I die in the dreams , I end up returning back where he kills me again but in a different way. I kept squirming and waking up throughout the night .

He doesn't stay with me in this room for which I'm extremely glad. I cannot fathom the thought about him near me . I don't know why but now he scares me more than before. A part of me still hopes that he'll let me go . I wouldn't even tell the cops of he did. The thought of getting out of here is the only thing making me want to live but whenever I try to think about the future, my mind goes blank. I don't know what I'll do once I leave. Will I get a job? Where will I live? All these questions and many more surround me.

I watch as the clock displays the time. I brace myself. It's 10 o'clock now and William will be here any minute. He comes with my medicines and food everyday at a certain time. I don't feel as bad now and I can get up and do things normally but William insists that I stay in bed and rest. I honestly feel much better , the cuts were less harmful than his own abuse. He had whipped me and raped me just a few weeks ago and that had hurt more than this . I didn't want to piss him by saying this to his face so I merely nodded.

As expected he arrives in time to feed me . He has bacon and egg and some apple juice in the tray. My mouth waters just by looking at it. He notices me watching the food with a hungry glance and walks towards me.

" Do you want to go for a walk today ?" He asks while feeding me.

I look at him and try to see if there's any hidden motive behind those eyes. But he is too good , he always has been. I haven't been outside the house and I don't even know if I'll get that chance again so I say yes. After we are done , he dresses me in a yellow gown and helps me downstairs. We don't go that far but just by getting beyond the closed doors makes me feel energised. I look at the clear sky , at the grass , my heart wrenching painfully.

I don't know when I'll be allowed to do this again. He helps me walk across the grass and then we sit on a blanket that he had placed nearby with some food baskets on it. I look at him in surprise.

" You always liked picnics " he says shrugging.

I nod and he helps me sit down. The tiffin boxes are filled with sandwiches, sausages , pasta , orange juice . He feeds me a bite of everything . A memory flashes in my mind . Posie running everywhere on the grass and when she got tired she would come and flop on my lap and ask me to feed her grapes. The memory is fresh in my mind .

" I want to go inside" I say and he looks a bit crestfallen at that but nonetheless he takes me inside.

" I'm sorry if I upset you but I'm trying , please know that. Please give me a chance" he says suddenly.

" You always think about yourself ! What about me ? I don't even know what I want anymore . I don't know what I should do with my life but all you care about is yourself. No one asked me how I was when Posie died . You didn't ask me ! Instead you punished me for something that I didn't even do ! You made me feel worthless , you made me think that it was my fault. I'm never going to have children ! I'll never be able to have children because of what you did to me ! What will happen when I give you a chance ? Do you really think we'll be able to stay happily ? Nothing is the same ! You need to get that in your head . "

He doesn't say anything , just pulls me in his arm, I struggle but then stop. My sobs shaking my body .

" You destroyed my life William,You made me this person . I'll never be the same , I'll never be able to cope from this " I say as I cry harder .

" I know and I'm sorry ! "

I cry harder . " I don't know what to do. I feel empty , I just want my kids back . I just want to see them. I can't live like this anymore. Please understand. "

" Just tell me what you want " he pleads

" I don't want to live anymore ."

" No..no, please don't say that. Please ."

" I..I just cannot continue like this. It doesn't matter if you let me go ! I can never get better "

" We'll get help! We'll go to couple's therapy!"

" If I tell everyone what you did to me , you will be in jail!"

" Then we'll figure something out! You can't give up"

I don't say anything. He'll never understand. No one can ever get what is happening to me. What goes on in my mind. I was a fool to think that he would understand. He does not care what I want . He does not feel any remorse.