The Lies We Tell

Chapter 9

Miranda was sitting at the usual desk in the library when I walked in. To say the sight of her made me feel guilty was an understatement. Telling her what happened wouldn't make it go away or make everything better, but I still had to give them some warning.

As I got closer I saw the rest of them were sitting nearby. Chichi was sitting next to Miranda, and the other two girls, Heather and Whitney, were sitting at the table next to the desks. Chichi was the first to see me, though. She stood and nudged Miranda's shoulder. I gave them all a small wave. "Come sit," Chichi said, pulling out a chair at the table. "Everything okay? Word has it you were friendly with Ryan this morning."

I sat, but stayed on the edge of the chair. They probably wouldn't want me around for too much longer once I said what I needed to say. I nodded. "I'm okay," I said quietly. The two at the table nodded and went back to their conversation.

As their conversation progressed, I began feeling uncomfortable. I couldn't say it when I walked in, and I couldn't say it now. But what did that make me? It felt like it made me a coward. Whitney noticed the change in my expression. "You okay, Evie?"

Was I really? I shifted and found I couldn't look them in the eye. "Um, guys? I need to tell you something." They all looked at me. "Ryan sat with me at lunch, and Courtney fetched him from our table. It was a big thing so you're going to hear about it later." I shook my head and shrugged as they giggled. "The thing is, though, that when Courtney threatened me, I mentioned Goodwill and that I knew she shopped there." I resisted the urge to cover my face.

Heather pat my shoulder. "It's no big deal. I mean, I'm the one that saw her there in the first place. She doesn't want the school to know so she's not going to come after any of us."

I shook my head. "That's blackmail. Look, I said something stupid because I wanted to get even with her. I just wanted you guys to know because she's probably going to come looking for you because you told me." I stood and started walking away.

"Evie!" Miranda called after me. "It's fine!" I kept walking. If anything happened it would be my fault. I couldn't face them right then knowing that.

---

What was I going to do? Ryan was Courtney's boyfriend? What? When did that happen? Was he just messing with me this whole time? That was an awful, if he was. I really thought he cared. Even if his feelings were fake, mine were real. I knew that now.

Wait. Were we even still on for this weekend? I wasn't sure, and I wasn't about to text him. I had even turned off my phone so I wouldn't see his messages - if he even sent any, that is. I wasn't ready for that.

It wouldn't be the first time a guy had done me wrong, and I knew it wouldn't be the last, either, but I hoped he hadn't. I wanted him to be a good guy. Even if that meant he was nothing more than a coward who was afraid to stand up to Courtney in the middle of the lunchroom. That didn't make me want to have anything else to do with him, but at least that I could understand.

Four hours of staring at the ceiling later, I began to smell food. I sat up. Mom was cooking? I got up and went to investigate. She was pulling things out of the microwave. Leftovers from the food people brought us. She turned and saw me. Her face was blank aside from the pain in her eyes. I almost went back to my room, but she had already seen me. "Come eat," she said weakly.

I sat at the table and she put a plate in front of me. "Thank you." I picked up my fork, but I wasn't hungry. Another day where I didn't work on anything for YouTube or Wattpad. I hadn't started on my homework either. A major assignment would be due soon, and I needed to maintain my GPA so I could be the valedictorian. I hadn't been doing anything at all. Completely unproductive.

I looked up at Mom and saw she was pushing food around on her plate, too. She'd lost her husband and best friend. I knew she was going through a lot. But, in a way, I'd lost more than she had. I'd lost my father, and I'd all but lost my mother, too. She suddenly stayed in bed and I had to take care of everything by myself. I was lost. Now I was scared I may lose my friends and my first boyfriend - if you could even call him that.

Dinner as silent and ended with neither of us eating more than half before claiming we were done. Mom disappeared to her room, so I cleared the table. Being introspective hadn't done me a bit of good. All it had done was keep me focused on my problems instead of solutions or ways to deal with my thoughts.

Maybe homework would help.

I went to my room but all it took was five minutes to realize I couldn't focus enough. With a sigh, I began reading stories on Wattpad. I was still reading when midnight rolled around. When I saw the time, I made myself go to bed. But that was futile. I just stared at the ceiling.

My mind wouldn't shut off. It kept replaying my words to Courtney. I'd been making a move on her boyfriend. Ryan had ditched me for her. My friends were probably going to do the same. They were always more concerned with popularity than I ever was.

Not that they were really my friends. After all, no one knew me well enough to be a real friend. I didn't want anyone to know me that well. When you let down your guard you become vulnerable. When that happens, they have a clear shot to reach around and stab you in the back. That's part of why I didn't want that video to be on the internet. I was showing weakness.

When you show weakness, that's when the wolves attack.

Wolves like Jared.

But he's a story for another time.

---

"Hey," Ryan said as he sat at my table.

I looked up from my phone at him. We were alone in a corner. As I predicted, Riley and Mary didn't want me to sit at their table. I was only going to drag them down. "What do you want?"

"Are we still on for Friday?"

I looked back at my phone. "You have Courtney. Go out with her."

We sat there in silence for a long time. It was getting aggravating. He wasn't even looking at me. He wasn't denying anything. I sighed and opened my mouth to tell him to leave when he spoke. "She lied." I slowly looked up at him. He was staring at the table.

"I don't believe you." I started to stand but he grabbed my arm.

"She lied. We're not together. We never have been."

"Yeah? Why don't you go tell her that instead of me because she sure seems to think otherwise." I pulled out of his grasp and stood. I began gathering my things.

"We're really not! Come on, Evie."

I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "It's not good to lie to people, Ryan. I hope you don't learn that the hard way." I turned and left him to stare after me.

If that was considered a win, why didn't I feel victorious?

---

"There you are," said a voice behind me.

I closed my locker and turned around. Courtney stood there with some other popular kids, including Jared. I forced my face to stay neutral even as he smirked at me. Still, I felt like I was frozen to the spot under his gaze. "Oh, sorry," I said, managing to sound indifferent. "Were you looking for me?"

Courtney narrowed her eyes and smirked at me. "As if. Why would I be looking for a loser like you?" She eyed my outfit and wrinkled her nose. "That top is so last year. Why don't you just donate it?" She widened her eyes. "Oh wait. My bad. I forgot you couldn't afford to replace it."

I just smirked right back. "If you want my top so bad, why didn't you just ask to borrow it? So much easier." I looked her up and down once. "Nice outfit. Looks familiar." I looked right into her eyes. They were brimming with barely concealed anger and hate. "I'll see you around." I turned and walked away, leaving a fuming Courtney behind.