Imperfect Hearts [On Going]

1st IMPERFECTION (06-08-2020)

I've been planning this for too long.

Ang lumayas. Ang lumayo.

I zipped my luggage after packing up all my clothes including some selected books dahil hindi ko naman pwedeng dalhin ang isang napakalaking shelf sa lilipatan kong apartment sa kabilang syudad.

I already talked about this thing with my mom since my senior year. Gusto kong magsarili muna ngayong college na ako dahil nais kong may mapatunayan.

I don't want to depend on my parents' fortune. And doing this will allow me to prove something. My dad, on the other hand, opposes this 'childish act'of mine. Para sa kaniya, mapapagastos lang ako ng malaki sa bayad ng renta at pamasahe kung ipagpapatuloy ko ito. At isa pa, iniisip niyang ito ang paraan upang maipakita ko sa kaniya ang aking pagrerebelde. Its half was true. Mapapagastos nga ako. But I'll pay for it with my own money.

I am a part time proofreader sa isang publishing house sa lugar na lilipatan ko at ang sahod ko ay sapat na sapat para sa aking mga gastusin. Besides, I still have a month before classes starts kaya makakapag-ipon pa ako.

I have my card but never in this WHOLE WILD WORLD I will use it for a living. But the other half is completely a hoax. Hindi ako nagrerebelde. Well, that's what I know.

I sighed.

Muli kong pinagmasdan ang dalawang maleta sa aking harapan. These would be enough. I grabbed a towel from my closet at tinungo ang banyo upang maligo. I thought about my decision for the nth time habang naliligo. Letting the warm water flow through my body as I think of all the 'what ifs.'

What if I fail?

What if I'll go back here just because I can't?

What if I'll just make it worse?

What if I really can't?

For the last time, I let out a heavy breath before going out of the bathroom.

There's no backing out. Para lang sa mga duwag iyon.

I am wearing my usual get up today. Tattered jeans and a plain black V-neck shirt that hugs my curve. Paired with my white disruptors. Wearing my silver, thin-framed, big specs with a messy bun, I stood in front of the mirror.

If ever I fail, I, sure, am going to try again.

I put some lip balm and a half smile was formed on my lips. One last glance on the mirror and I am ready to go. Kinuha ko ang dalawa kong maleta at hinila ang mga iyon palabas ng kwarto. Exactly at that moment, I found my dad steadying himself outside my room.

I was a bit shocked. Ganito kaaga? It's only 7:00 in the morning and my father is already drunk. Pumikit ako upang pakalmahin ang sarili.

"Aryell, Aryell. Aalis ka ba talaga Aryell? We've talked about it, right? Na walang aalis sa pamamahay na 'to?" Ani dad sa lasing niyang boses.

Dumilat ako at muli siyang tinignan. Mapungay na ang mga nito dahil sa kalasingan. Lumapit ako sa kaniya upang alalayan siya ngunit ikinumpas lamang nito ang kamay, sinasabing 'wag akong lalapit. I stepped back.

I am not Aryell. She's not here. And Arylle is here, standing straight in front of a drunkard man.

Tinanggal ko sa aking isipan ang masakit na isiping iyon.

"Dad, you should sleep. You have work today. Aabsent ka na naman ba?" I impatiently asked.

"Arylle! Naku anak pasensiya kana sa daddy mo." Si mommy na galing sa kusina, may hawak pa itong sandok, tanda na siya ay kasalukuyang nagluluto.