Imperfect Hearts [On Going]

5th IMPERFECTION (06-13-2020)

"This is so much fun! We could be like this forever, ate Arylle! Wooohooo!" It was Chella riding her skateboard in full force while I was riding mine, swaying , like I am dancing in the air.

We we're on the street in a bright, Sunday afternoon. Riding 'til the sun sets. I was sixteen and she was eight. Everything is so young. Everything is so smooth and airy.

We held hands, as if we don't want us to be in distant of one another. And it was one of the moments I cherished.

"Don't let go of my hand. Dad will sue me."

We both laughed at what I said. Giggling like it is some sort of humor.

"He's not here to watch." She said playfully as she let go of my hand.

"See, I am better now, ate Arylle."

I smiled, seeing her free her hands open in the air, as if welcoming the breeze of happiness while riding. She closed her eyes and I got teary-eyed at her beautiful sight.

So peaceful, Chella.

But. . .how I wished she never let go of my hand.

Because that humor caused our nightmare.

Crashing wheels, blood, bandages, siren, the sound of life-support system, and the voices of our mad parents.

Everything became a distorted version of our clear reality.

Everything started to become dull as the young day turned out to be an old, ugly memory, and the young, smooth air turned out to be suffocating and rough.

Gone were the happy days of my life.

I sat on the bed with my face full of sweat. My chest is in its abnormal pace and I feel like I am wearing a hundred pile of masks. Nakasusulasok.

It was just a dream.

I got off the bed and went to our kitchen to drink water. My mouth still feels dry and my hands were shaking uncontrollably as I hold the glass kaya nabasag ito ng hindi ko sinasadya. Agad kong pinulot ang mga basag na piraso nito na ang tanging nagsisilbing ilaw ko ay ang ilaw ng refrigerator. Hindi ko rin suot ang aking salamin dahilan upang hindi ako makakita ng malinaw kaya naman ay naramdaman kong nasugat ang aking kamay mula sa isang bubog. Agad kong sinuri ang aking kamay at nakita ko ngang may hiwa ang aking hintuturo at umaagos doon ang dugo. Nanginginig akong naglakad palapit sa kung nasaan ang switch. I managed to open the light and I am starting to calm down as the room went bright. Nangangatog pa rin ang tuhod kong naglakad papunta sa pinakamalapit na upuan sa mesa. I sat there with heavy breathing, soothing myself from what happened.

Napasapo ako sa aking noo. Lumipas ang ilang minuto at tuluyan na nga akong kumalma. But I am still afraid to go back to bed and sleep. I turned off the light in the kitchen saka ako naglakad papunta sa kung nasaan ang aking laptop. Isinuot ang aking salamin, binuksan ang lampshade saka nagsimulang magbasa ng manuscript. Lumipas ang ilang oras and it's only 5:00 in the morning nang magpasya akong tumigil sa aking ginagawa. I closed the device but I let the lampshade on. I stood and I didn't know why I went near to my waveboard. Hinawakan ko ito. Mabilis kong kinuha ang double-sided tape at idinikit ang nakausling dulo ng ilaw nito. Saka ko binuksan ang switch ng LED lights upang makita kung gumagana pa iyon.

A little gasp flee from my mouth as I saw how the blue and purple lights illuminated and demystified the edge of the board. So beautiful.

I made the lights dance as I clicked the switch again. They flicker fast making a disco-like lights in the room only that it seems magical. Muli kong pinindot ang switch at naging mabagal naman ang pagkurap ng ilaw nito. I found myself smiling because of it. Niyakap ko ito as I glanced at how peaceful my sleeping sister is.