Me

November 26, 2012

November 26, 2012

My parents are fighting again. Fighting about work or something. Hearing my dad say how he hates gays makes me think. I'm bisexual. I have a beautiful girlfriend. Does that mean I'm sinning? Does that mean that God hates me? If I died right now, would I go to hell for loving a girl? Sure, people say "Love is love, no matter the gender." But, what if God is looking down at me, hating me? I guess it's my fault. Everything seems to be my fault these days. My parents fighting? My fault. My brother getting in trouble? My fault. My dad getting angry or depressed? My. Fault. I've thought about cutting, I really have. But I stayed strong. I wrote my girlfriends name on my wrist in permanent marker in big, bold letters. I thought about how if I did that, then told her to stay strong, how wrong that would be. By now, some of you have probably said I should go talk to a counselor. But I don't want to. Why? I would go talk to them, and they would either A) Say it IS my fault, everything is my fault. Or B) Look at me like I'm a pathetic teenage girl whining about my problems while women are getting beaten by their husbands. Who cares about my problems? No one. Some of you might say you do. But seriously, if I died right now, this second, who would notice? My fans? Nope, they would just yell at me for not continuing Irish Blood. My girlfriend? Yeah, I hope she would care. I also hope she would be able to move on and find another girl/boy who loves and accepts her. Babe, princess, remember how I said You Go, I Go? Well, if I ever do kill myself, please don't go with me. Live a long, happy life without me to hold you back. I'm not saying I'm committing suicide, so calm down. I'm just saying, no one would really notice I'm gone. My teachers would get the notice, saying I'm dead, and would just be glad I'm gone. I wouldn't interrupt their class anymore. The other students would just be glad the stupid loser is gone. They would even throw a freaking party. I'm almost done with today's entry, promise. Just wanted to say, I'm not trying to get attention. I just need to talk to someone, and I'm going to talk to all my fans through this book. Love you guys.

-Kristalxx