Me

November 30, 2012

November 30, 2012

Today's entry is dedicated to my beautiful girlfriend, @Ilovezayn123. Tamikah, I love you so much that I can't explain it in words. If it wasn't for you, I would either be a suicidal mess, or I would be dead. I know sometimes I say stupid shit like I'm going to kill myself and stuff. I'm sorry. I know I don't deserve you, I'm a suicidal freak who constantly wants to kill herself. I'm the girl who never updates when I say I'm going to. I'm the girl who cries herself every night, because life isn't turning out how it was supposed to. The pathetic teenager who is the only non-slut at my school. The girl who has to write your name on my wrist so I don't cut. The girl who can't cut, because I'm scared it will hurt. The girl who, instead of sending you loving messages, sits in the corner if her room, crying, trying to not let her parents hear her. I don't deserve you. I know what you deserve. You deserve a girl/boy who isn't suicidal. A teenager who doesn't cry herself to sleep every night. A person who always sends you loving and cute texts instead of thinking about how screwed up their life is. You deserve a normal person instead of the fucked up mess I am. I'm not perfect. Not even close. Every time I see you sent me a message saying "I love you Kitten" a piece of me dies because you always seem to say it first. I look at the time you sent it, hours ago, and I feel bad because my girlfriend said I love you to me and I didn't reply till hours later. We never seem to talk anymore, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have more time to say "I love you." I'm sorry I'm not there to hold your hand when life gets hard, or to kick the shit out of anyone who hurts you mentally or physically. I'm sorry I'm not beautiful or skinny. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. But ever since I said yes to being your girlfriend on October 28 at 11:26 pm, I have been the happiest girl on earth. I may screw up. But please don't leave me. My heart can't take it, it's been broken too many times. I love you Tamikah.

-Kristalxoxo