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The past is the past. Once it's done, it can never be undone no matter how much we like to pray, cry, or yell. Sometimes the past can be joyful, sometimes a past can be frustrating, but other times, it's completely heartbreaking.
The way Mafu's strings broke was almost perfect. Perfect in such an imperfect way. His strings were a representation of the building tension in the band until it suddenly... broke.
Everyone stared at the guitar, wide-eyed and with no clue on what to do. Out of the few concerts we did without Mafu, this has never happened. Why would it? It was quiet, even though there were other things going around. I slowly walked over to the three and eventually Haru joined us.
"Hey, what happened?" Haru said, in his usual happy voice. It's almost like he's completely unaware of the tension surrounding the two. It's like a boiling pot that's slowly overfilling. "Oh, your string broke? Do you have a replacement?" He asks, but it's so much more than just a replacement. "I guess you wouldn't, huh? Uenoyama!" Haru says, pushing him on his shoulder and snapping him out of his trance.
"H-Huh?" He mutters. When Ue opens his eyes again their still wide. He's pale too. It's like he's seen a ghost.
"Run to the shop in front of the station and get some," Haru says, putting a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon! Why do you guys look like the world's ending?" Haru asks. I stand beside Akihiko,whose also still in a trance. "When a string breaks, you just have to fix it!"
Strings to a guitar are fixable. Strings to your future are changeable. But once a string is put on your past, you just have to play with it carefully, because once it breaks, its gone forever.
"Weren't you the one who fixed it for him when it happened the first time?" Haru continues. That must've been two months ago. It feels like Mafu's been with us for so much longer.
"I'll be back!" Ue shouts to us and clenches his fists. He hesitates for a moment then turns the other direction and starts running. I reach out to him as if I could catch him, but Akihiko puts a hand on my shoulder, and shakes his head from side to side.
"I'll go talk to some people downstairs," Haru says to the three of us remaining. "You two go back to the greenroom," he slowly walks away, waving to us as he goes.
"Right..." Akihiko mumbles and looks down at Mafu.
"Akihiko," Ue's sister says and walks over to him. I turn to Mafu who looks so sad it hurts.
"What happened?" I ask him, but his gaze remains on the wooden floor beneath him. "Are you okay? Can you at least tell me that?" I ask, but Mafu remains unchanged.
"What's going on?" She asks Akihiko quickly. "Ritsu--"
"Sorry," Akihiko says and raises his hand, stopping her from talking almost immediately. I grab mafu's wrist and the two of us walk behind Akihiko. "I can't talk right now. Sorry," he apologizes once more.
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The first show continues on, like it needs to, but the tension within the group is still awful. It's almost like we're meeting each other for the first time. Haru's been out of the room, trying to convince the head of the event to give us more time by playing more and more songs.
Muffled cheers can be heard through the door and into our room, but I'm pretty sure that's only making Mafu more nervous. Even Akihiko still looks on edge.
"I got 'em!" Ue says loudly, swinging the door open causing it to shut loudly. He holds up a plastic bag.
"That was fast!" Haru replies with wide eyes. "Man, it must be great to be young," he adds on.
"Maybe you should quit smoking," I reply and he glares at me for a little before turning back to the clipboard he was looking at.
"Moving on..." he mumbles. "I asked the band before us to play another two or three songs, so let's regroup and relax."
"Thanks," He replies while panting. He must've run fast to get there and back so quickly.
"Just make sure you cool off before we go on, okay?" Haru says, giving the scariest look I've ever seen him give in his life. "Seriously," he adds.
"Right," Ue says softly, he's still panting.
"I'll go give the PA guy the updated setlist," Haru says and Ue nods his nod. Akihiko gets up from the wall. Ue and Mafu still have a lot to talk about, and I think that's a little too much stress for me to handle.
The baby's been kicking a lot today and I feel like I'm going to throw up any time I stand up too quickly from sitting down. And worst of all, I still haven't told anyone. But tonight. After the show. I'm going to tell him.
"I-I'll go with Haru," I say and jog to his side. "Wouldn't want him to get all lonely, going by himself, y'know?" I say quickly and Akihiko nods his head.
We walk out the door and it swings shut behind us and then opens again and swings shut once more. "Yui, go ahead," Akihiko says. He wants to talk to Haruki.
"I'll be taking this from you, I'll wait downstairs," I say and walk downstairs as fast as I can without falling over.
"Hey!" He calls after me, but immediately quiets down. Akihiko's probably talking about Ue and Mafu. I still don't even know what Ue said to Mafu, but whatever it was, it must've been something unpleasant.
I think the heart is similar to these strings. When the pain is too much to bear and you can't breathe, it hurts, like the strings laid across your chest are about to snap.
It's just like when you keep strumming and picking at the strings to their very limit, and sometimes they snap. Sometimes you feel like they can't ever be replaced. But if there was someone to replace your strings for you, like this... I feel like your wounds may heal just a little.
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i love y'all so much. thanks for the support. sorry if this feels rushed ^.^
