Athazagoraphobia

Chapter 5

If John were to be anywhere in the Bunker, he'd probably be in the kitchen. It's where the beer was.

When Sam entered the kitchen, he was not at all surprised to see John sitting at the table sippin' on a beer.

John looked up when he entered, a small smile on his face. "Hi, Sam," he simply greeted.

Sam decided to get right to the point. If he tried to play nice with John, he would see right through him, and the plan might not work. Leaning against the doorway, Sam crossed his arms and solely focused on the man sitting before him. "Dean told me what you said to him earlier."

The smile was wiped from John's face, and he short of slammed his beer down on the table. Just bringing it up pissed him off, apparently. It couldn't have been anything good.

"Did he now? What did he say?" Ooh, by the sound of his voice, John was beyond pissed. Was that because Dean supposedly told Sam, or because of what John told Dean in the first place?

Sam just shook his head. "No, I want to hear it from your mouth. I wanna know why."

For a moment, Sam thought John wasn't going to say anything, that he was just going to walk out. Or worse, hit Sam. But instead, John just nodded his head and took a swig of his beer.

"Ok, then. You want to hear it, fine. I asked your brother about the monsters he claims as family. Told him to get rid of them. I told him that I expected this sort of behavior from you, but not from him."

Sam's heart stopped in his chest. No wonder Dean panicked so much; John told him to kill his husband, son, and brother-in-law, or he'd do it himself. He'd had a feeling that John would react badly to seeing his sons fraternizing with monsters, but he'd also hoped that seeing them happy would change his mind.

Clearly, Sam had been wrong.

By the look on John's face, he hadn't hidden his reaction well at all. "Dean never told you, did he?" When Sam shook his head, John let out a dry laugh, then took another swig of beer. "I was surprised. I didn't think the little bitch had it in him to tell you anything. But it'd been a while. Guess I was wrong."

Sam's jaw dropped. Did John seriously just say that? Are you fucking kidding me?! "What the hell is wrong with you?" He hadn't realized he said that until he looked at John's face.

"Excuse me?"

Sam quickly ran his hands through his hair. "How could you call your son a bitch because he was scared?! How could you tell your son that he had to kill his husband, his son, and his brother-in-law, or else you would?! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT?!"

John abruptly stood up, slamming his hands down on the table, simultaneously spilling his beer. "How could I?! How could you pretend to marry a fucking ANGEL of all things?! How could you let the son of LUCIFER to fucking LIVE?! And don't even get me started on your brother!"

"What about my brother?! What about my brother, who was locked so far back in his head that he couldn't accept the feeling he had for his best friend of YEARS?! My brother, who has such bad anger problems that he destroyed every single relationship he'd ever had at least once! My brother, who was so used to starving himself to make sure I ate that it took me years to make him eat more than a burger or a pie a day. My brother, who doubted every move he made, afraid of what you'd say if you were still around."

By that point, tears were streaming down Sam's face as he remembered everything his bother had suffered through. All the trauma Dean suffered from at the hands at John. He wiped his eyes and continued.

"My brother, who has saved the world more than once. My brother, who has been to all four planes of existence in this dimension. My brother, who is a better man than you'll ever be."

There was a pregnant pause before a resounding slap echoed through the kitchen.

Unlike Dean, who froze in shock at getting slapped by his father, Sam just jumped at John. However, before he got anywhere near him, arms wrapped around his chest and held him in place.

"Don't do it, Sam. He's not worth it," Gabe's voice whispered in his ear.

When Sam finally stopped struggling and calmed down, Gabe let him go and made to lead him out of the room.

"Hey, we ain't done here yet!" John yelled out.

Sam knew that, and if he walked away now, that could make things worse. He looked down at Gabe, and with one look, Gabe understood what he was saying. As much as he wanted the conversation to be over, he knew it wasn't finished yet. Gabe gave one last look at Sam, then left.

Sam turned to look back at John. "What else do you want to talk about? Maybe the fact that you told my brother to kill nearly his entire family? Huh? Or, or, maybe, the fact that you abused him from the day Mom died to the day you died? Come on, take your pick."

"Don't you dare talk back to me. You have no right to talk to your father-"

"My father died in the same house fire that killed my mother. John Winchester, on the other hand, well, he died nearly a decade ago," Sam took a deep breath as he tried to calm down. "I don't remember my father. All I remember is the drill sergeant that left me with my 4-year-older brother in dirty motel rooms with not enough cash to last two weeks. I remember the man who would hit my brother for so much as stuttering when he was still dealing with the trauma of losing his mom at four years old. I remember the man who would whip my older brother for even putting a toe out of line."

"I did what I had to do to protect you, boys. I did what I had to do to keep you safe. I needed your brother to do exactly what I said to keep you safe, and if giving him a little love tap now and then, then so be it."

That was his excuse? Love tap?

"You know, after decades on this job, we've learned that the world isn't as black and white as you always made it out to be. And, we've learned that sometimes, people are worse than the monsters we hunt. And to be honest, we've met monsters that are better people than you."

And with that, Sam turned his back on John and left the room.