Athazagoraphobia

Chapter 7

(HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Mentions of blood and suicide)

Sam looked up from his book when he heard Cas's footsteps stomp their way into the library where he was. He stood up and walked over to him.

"Hey, Cas. What's wrong?"

Cas stopped in his tracks and glared at Sam; his hands shoved deep in his pockets. His frown was etched onto his face. "Your brother is just being an asshole. I had to get away from him for a bit."

Sam was confused, but he understood. Dean was incredibly stubborn, and when he wanted something, he did whatever it took to make it real. So, if he thought there was a way his family could be together, he would go out of his way to make it happen.

"Ok, well, Gabe was about to go pick up dinner for everyone, so why don't you go with him."

Cas nodded and made his way to the kitchen while Sam sat back down in his chair and continued his book.

When Cas entered the kitchen, he noticed that everyone but John and Mary were there. "Where are John and Mary?"

"Oh, Mary thought it'd be a good idea to take him out and show him around. Show him what he missed."

It made sense. John had been dead for just over a decade; The world had changed a lot.

Cas looked over at Gabe, who was throwing on his coat and grabbing the keys to one of the cars in the garage. "Gabe, Sam told me to join you in getting dinner."

Gabe just smiled and adjusted his coat. "Right-io, little brother. "

Cas rolled his eyes and followed Gabe to the garage. They both got into Cas's Pimpmobile, as Dean called it, and Gabe started the car.

The ride was silent for the first twenty minutes before Gabe broke the silence.

"How did your talk go with Dean?"

Cas sighed and leaned back against the seat, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, something he picked up from Dean. "He wants to try and make things work between John and us."

Gabe scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "And why is that a bad thing, exactly?"

"Because it means he still cares about what John thinks!"

Gabe looked over at his little brother in disbelief. Had he forgotten what'd he'd done for their father over the years. "You still care about what Dad thinks. I mean, look at what you did over the years for him."

Cas glared at him, crossing his arms and huffing out a breath. "That's different," he mumbled.

"How, because John abused Dean, but Dad never touched us? Maybe, but they both abandoned us. They both left us to fend for ourselves. They didn't care, they never did. It's not different, Cas. John might've been awful, but he's still their father in some capacity. It's hard for some people to let that go. Especially people like Dean."

The last sentence got his attention. "What do you mean, people like Dean?" Cas was extremely confused. He knew Dean was stubborn, but that couldn't possibly be what Gabe meant, could it?

"It's glaringly obvious, but I guess you still aren't used to everything human quite yet. You know how some people have depression and other mental disorders like that?"

Cas nodded his head. Sam had explained to him a few different mental disorders, explaining to him that they all suffered from depression in some form or another. He knew Dean had a more extreme case than him and Sam.

"Well, you know Dean has it bad along with PTSD, which you all have. But Dean also sufferers from another mental disorder that I'm not even sure Sam knows he has. I'm not even sure Dean knows he has it. I only know about it because of my many millennia on Earth. Dean has a mental disorder called Athazagoraphobia."

Now Cas was extremely confused and scared. What did that entail? "What does that mean?"

"Athazagoraphobia is generally the fear of being forgotten or abandoned. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense." They pulled up to the restaurant and Cas stayed in the car thinking while Gabe went in and got the food.

On the way back to the Bunker, he realized that he'd cut Dean off, meaning he couldn't feel anything from him. He thought about reconnecting it, but they were only twenty minutes away, so he didn't see the need.

When they got back, Gabe put the food on the map, and they both took off their coats. Everyone was sitting around the map table, dishing out the food onto separate plates. Well, everyone except for Dean. Even John was there, though he was undoubtedly trying very hard to keep a straight face and not say a word. Whether it was for mary's sake or that of his children, he had no clue.

"Where's Dean?"

"He's still in your room. Hasn't left or said a word since you left," Sam said.

Cas nodded, then made his way to their room. Thoughts of his conversation with Gabriel still echoed through his head, but he ignored them in awaiting for seeing his husband.

He knocked on the door and opened it. "Dean, dinner's he-" He froze. No, no, no, no. What happened?

There, lying in the middle of their shared bed, was Dean, blood running from apparent cuts on his wrists. One hand was on his stomach, the other hand on the bed, both engulfed in pools of blood. Dean was passed out, pale as a sheet. No.

"Dean?"