Blue's Rebel (MXM)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"You look better" and happy, Edward wanted to add, but Ryzel is kind of allergic to that word. Deep inside, Ryzel feels that he does not deserve happiness because all he did was hurt people. Aside from being Ryzel's physician, Edward has also taken on the role of monitoring Ryzel's mental health.

They were in another part of the mansion. The room was spacious and embraced a minimalist design but managed to be cozy and bright at the same time. It had floor-to-ceiling windows that faced the large garden and the small koi pond.

Ryzel sipped his yogurt drink and hummed. Today, Blue prepared him a fruit blend, and Ryzel is loving it. Ever since his check-up, they have become a bit closer. Ryzel figured out that pushing Blue away was pointless. I want to make it up to him.

"Can you tell me about your nightmares?" Edward was expecting that Ryzel's calm expression would break because the first time he broached this topic, Ryzel was so shaken, and it only got worse as days went by. Edward decided that when it came to Ryzel's deep-seated fears, he had to tread lightly.

Ryzel glanced at Edward, who was staring at him intently. "What?"

Edward blinked and leaned against his seat. "You don't even notice it, do you?"

When Ryzel frowned in confusion, Edward shook his head and introduced a new topic. "How frequently has your head hurt these past few days?"

"Honestly, not that much. Sure, there are days when it hurt so bad, but not as frequent as before. Blue has been a great help." Ryzel tried to downplay Blue's presence, but his expression softened upon mention of Blue's name. He immediately collected himself when he realized that Edward was observing him. However, it did not escape Edward's sharp eyes.

I'm amazed that there are still people like Blue who possess unbelievable patience. He could have confessed to Ryzel at any time, but he's actually waiting for him.

Edward and Ryzel's session revolved around Ryzel's dark thoughts. He also told Edward about the incident in his bathroom, where he picked up a razor.

"At the time, I just wanted to end it all, Eddie. I was just praying that all of you would forgive me, but when I saw Blue, I felt ashamed and scared. I don't even understand myself. I already steeled my resolve, but when it comes to Asúl, it just all disappears into thin air."

Edward just listened and let Ryzel share what was going on in his mind. "I promised him, Edward. I promised Blue that I'd try to hold on, even if the thought still scares me up until now."

"Where is this fear coming from, Ryzel?"

Ryzel released a shaky breath and chewed on his lower lip, stroking his hair nervously. "I just... you know my life story. It is far from pretty. I'm just scared that I'll fail at this, at life, Edward. I know that I hurt Blue when I ran away, and he is yet to confront me about it. Mom died because of me. Elijah suffered because I left him. Hundreds of carriers died because of that man's experiments. I'm so fucked up, Eddie. I'm just so fucking afraid that Blue... he deserves someone better, Edward. Not me. I don't want to disappoint him, Edward. Not Blue. I caused him too much pain already."

Ryzel is scared. Aside from Elijah, the only good thing in his life is Blue, even if he tries to deny it. The world has not been kind to Ryzel because when he holds someone dear, the universe takes it away from him.

When Blue caught him trying to hurt himself, Ryzel was mortified. He felt vulnerable and ashamed, as if someone had discovered his deepest, darkest secret. At that precise moment, he wanted to disappear and prayed that the ground would crumble underneath and swallow him whole. Blue caught Ryzel in what seemed to be a very personal and desperate act.