Daffodils

Chapter 12

After our argument, I went to the lab. Lisa was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't attend any classes on that day. Even for 3 days, she didn't arrive in school. I and the gang asked eachother everyday if she contacted one of us. But she didn't. I tried calling her several times. She either ignored my calls or rejected them.

I decided to visit her home. I even walked there. But I couldn't get the courage to knock after knowing her family problems. I stood there for a while. I tried calling her once again but she chose to ignore again. I came back to my home and went directly to my room. Dad and dady were in office so I didn't have to confront them. I lie down on my bed and go through my phone's gallery. I saw mine and Kim's photos and realised that I was ignoring him since that fight with Lisa. Nothing was feeling right at the moment. But that feeling wasn't bad. Ignoring him didn't had any effects on me.

Suddenly I saw a pic where I and Lisa were standing at an amusement park near a ride. We went there two years back. Kim took our photo. All seven of us along with Lisa went there in our summer break. Andrew and Lisa were scared of merry-go-round ride still we dragged them with us. After the ride, they both threw up and we had to left the park. We sometimes teased them for that incident. I stared at our pic. Looking at her, looking at us, felt calming. Soothing.

I spent rest of my evening thinking about her. Thinking about the way she gave me the calmness I urged for. She gave me the feeling I always wanted to feel. She completed me in every sense. She is the one I always wanted. But... why'd I think about all this. Lisa was just my friend I shouldn't have think like this for her. But I couldn't resist. I couldn't resist myself, now, thinking about the feelings I had for her. I always had a spark whenever I looked at her but I didn't realise that until the day I saw her crying, saw her miserable. I was taking her problems personally like that's mine. I didn't even give proper time to Kim. I just realised that I ignored him. He was complaining about that too but I didn't consider replying him. We even had a fight about this 2 days back. He was complaining that I ignored him and spending most of my time around Lisa. I gave him the excuse that I am dealing with some of my personal problems too. But he was still angry with me, and I didn't see anything wrong about him being angry. He was right at his place, so I apologized and we made up.

I knew that I was doing wrong with him. But I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I always stopped myself and my feelings for her. I always thought about society. I always thought that if I fell for her, my parents will abandon me, friends will leave me and Kim and Lisa will start hating me. Maybe I don't love Kim as much as I love Lisa, maybe it was all just my affection towards Kim, but he was my friend, he was my friend since the day I became sane. He is important to me, out of all the people. I couldn't bear to lose him at any cost. But still I was losing him. So, I decided to confess my feelings. I decided to confess in front of Lisa first, then I will talk to Kim.

"Lisa, meet me at our usual place. Maybe it will be the last time we are meeting. Please come." I sent her a voice note. I knew that she'll hear my voice note. She read all my messages too. And I believed that she'll come and meet me.

I reached to our usual place, the park, where we first saw her crying. That park was the place where Kim introduced me and Lisa and we became friends. Since that day, we called that park as our place. Mine, Kim's and Lisa's place. We bring our gang there only once. Otherwise, the gang used to hang out at our second home, the under bridge.

I waited for Lisa for almost an hour. I was still in hope that she'll arrive anytime soon. And I was right.  She showed up after almost an hour.

"H-hey, Lisa." I didn't know why I stuttered. But I can say that she was still angry, just by looking at her.

"Just come to the point, Rick." She folded her hands in front of her chest and looked away from me. She was looking beautiful in her red and white polka dress and her hair falling on her shoulders. "And what's with that last time meeting?" She added.

I didn't know what to say and how to justify my behavior. What I did was so selfish of me and now, I was standing there, to confess my feelings to her. The feelings I shouldn't have felt. The feelings which wasn't meant to be there. The feelings which she'll never approve. I knew that she'll not going to tell anyone but maybe it will end our friendship. But I couldn't deceive her.

I was thinking for so long and constantly looking at her shoes. Lisa snapped her fingers in front of my face. "I'm asking something, Rick." I sensed the irritation in her voice.

"Huh- umm. Yes. You were saying something?" I was nervous.

"Why'd you call me here? And what were you saying about last time meeting? Why are we meeting for the last time today?"

"So you don't want this to be our last meeting?" I raised an eyebrow and grinned teasingly. I got got the confidence, God knows from where.

"Stop beating around the bush and speak." She chuckled lightly, but she had to be in her character, so she suddenly came back to her serious tone.

"Come on, Lisa. I'm sorry for that behaviour of mine. That was so selfish. But please forgive me already. I need to talk to you about something else." I was apologetic, but my primary motive was to explain my behaviour. And that can be possible, only if I confessed to her.

"You think this is easy for me? Easy to forget what you said and how you reacted about a normal hug I gave to your boyfriend. No, Rick, it's not. For me, it's not." Her voice cracked. She was about to cry.

"No- no. I didn't mean that, Lisa. What I did was wrong, but I need to explain that to you. I tried many times to reach you, but you never replied." She was looking away and tried to hold her tears back. "Lisa, please. Listen to me for once and maybe," I paused for a few moments, in a hope that she'll look at me. "For the last time." She turned her head and looked at me with her glitter eyes. She couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

"What's with this last time, Rick? You called me here to break this- this friendship?" Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"No, Lisa. I don't want to lose you either." I cupped her face. "I never want to lose you. But maybe, you'll break this friendship."

"W-what? And why? Why would I?"

"Just listen to me, Lisa. I want to tell you everything. To tell you about why I reacted that way. You will hear me, right?" She nodded.

We sat on the grass. Lisa sat by the tree and I was sitting right in front of her. I started playing with the grass.

"Promise me you will listen me till the end. I want to tell you everything today." She hummed and wiped her tears.

"Lisa, look." I took a long pause after that. And she too didn't break the silence. I was conflicting with myself, in my head, about whether to confess or not. But I was there to do the exact same. " This sounds so weird. And this is totally uncommon in our society, but Lisa, we can't control, right. We can't just stop ourselves. And I too didn't want that. But it happened. I don't know how, I don't know when, it just happened." I raised my head. She was looking at me with confusion gleaming all over her face.

"Use some normal words. It's hard for me to decipher this." She said. The atmosphere was tensed around us. But I can tell that she wasn't expecting anything. She was thinking about something like I was jealous for Kim or something. Her face wasn't that tensed.

"Lisa, you'll take that normally, right?" I took her hands in mine.

"Ofcourse, Rick. Just speak."

"Lisa," I still couldn't gather courage. "I..umm... I kinda like you, Lisa. Like... romantically." I blabbered out and looked at her.