Playing for Keeps - Book 1

Chapter 17

The following day, I can't fathom getting out of bed. Instead, I lay there, staring at the ceiling fan and watching it spin around in a melodic buzz for hours. Eventually, I force myself to roll onto my side, letting a few unwanted tears fall down my cheeks. I am too weak to do anything else. Seeing Cash so wrecked last night was the most heartbreaking moment of my life.

That's why I need to leave Bexley now. Of course, I've loved working for the Bruisers and the opportunity it's given me, but after last night, I've decided to resign. I need to focus on me. I'm leaving for Boston early to settle in before the semester starts.

There's a faint knock on my door before Louis stands in my doorway. "Hey, sorry to bother you, but I thought I'd come and check on you before Lynds woke up... You okay?"

I shake my head and bite my bottom lip to hide the tears. "No, I'm not. I think it's best to leave for Harvard as soon as possible."

"Really? Don't you think you're being a little rash?"

"No."

"Quinn, you can't walk away from what you need to face."

"I'm not walking away. I'm avoiding perpetual disaster. There's a difference."

He takes a deep breath and sits at the edge of my bed. "You have to talk to him."

I shake my head. "About what, Louis? If we talk, he'll apologize and tell me how sorry he is, and I'll forgive him, and then our cycle will start back up. Then, the next thing I'll know is I'll be ditching Harvard and on the next flight with him to Santa Anna. Giving up on all my hopes and dreams to be with him on our rollercoaster of dysfunction." I let out a sigh. "Cash is a mess. I don't know why I keep thinking he'll change. My delusions of who I thought he was shattered last night when I saw the other side of him. He's got too many demons and too many things to hide. And my patience and forgiveness can only go so far...don't let me forget, I walked in on him with another girl, thanks to you."

"Listen, I've known Cash for years. I would consider him one of my best friends, but like every other person who comes into his life, I know very little about him. But I do know that if Cash has even given you a tiny glimpse into his life outside of the rink, then you're already different than any other girl or person in his life. And after hearing the pain in his voice last night before you guys showed up - He said his whole life he felt broken until he met you. He's never been with a girl longer than a one-night stand, yet Lyndsey told me he asked you to move to Santa Anna with him. It doesn't excuse the alcohol and drugs, especially not that girl...But believe me, guys are stupid. He loves you."

I roll my eyes. Louis has a unique way of evaluating how love works.  "If he loved me, he would have supported me from the start."

"Agreed, but we're talking about Cash Brooks. Imagine how he must have felt knowing he was going to lose the only girl he's ever loved. He's lost so much already. God, if I ever lost your sister... I don't know what I'd do."

"Thanks, Louis, but I've made my decision. And right now, I need to be with me. I have to be without him. For me."

"Quinn, please. You need to talk to him before you go anywhere."

"I want to. I really do. But I can't handle it. One look at him, and I'll be questioning everything."

Louis lets out a defeated sigh. "He's going to freak when he finds out you're gone. He'll blow his contract. I'm worried, Quinn."

"Whether he wants to accept it or not, we're better off apart right now. I need a fresh start. I'm moving forward."

"Neither of you can move forward unless you get proper closure."