Should Have Known (Camren)

Chapter 37

December, 2013

I couldn't stand to be around her. She laughed like she had never been hurt before and she was never going to be hurt again. I couldn't stand the sound although I craved it, because she wasn't laughing with me; she was laughing with those who hadn't broken her into a million pieces. I had to look away when she smiled. She smiled all the time- all day long, about everything. I couldn't. I tried. I faked it a few times, but I couldn't really smile, not when I couldn't pull back in the middle of a kiss and feel a grin spread across my face. I couldn't even stand to hear her voice anymore. She spoke with so much joy and passion and her words stained my mind. Her raspy tone rattled my bones to the point of chills until I couldn't take it anymore.

At first I thought my mind was just playing tricks on me, trying desperately to help me move on from her, but I soon realized it was something else. It was the memories that I shared with her- all the times we stayed up too late, laughing about nothing and everything all at once until it hurt, all the times I felt her smile against my lips because I was still capable of making her happy, how I was so enchanted by her voice when she spoke and paid attention to every detail- the way her tongue rolled across her bottom lip when she rambled, how her smooth tone echoed from deep inside of her and made my heart flutter violently in my chest.

It hurt too bad to be around her, so I just stayed away. We continued with the tour like everything was fine. Music was my only escape, but even that was tainted by all the times I had held Camila on stage. Sometimes when she sang I forgot that I was supposed to miss her. Her voice took me back to all the times that we shared and I watched the words escape her lips until she stopped and reality set in again. It was hard. Every second hurt, but I knew one day I would forget just as she had.

...

"It's hard to believe that today is the last show of the tour," Ally sighed, applying a final touch of lipstick and turning towards me.

"I don't know, I'm kind of ready to get back to LA and have a break for a while, you know?" I said, leaning against the table that stood behind me.

"Mmhm," she hummed. "And are we talking about a break from touring or a break from Camila?"

I rolled my eyes and pursed my lips, pushing myself off the table and walking past Ally to the door.

"Don't ask a question that you already know the answer to," I begged, stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me.

I made my way down the hall and stopped in front of the other girls' dressing room, knocking lightly on the door and waiting for an answer. I stared down at the floor to avoid Camila's gaze as she appeared on the other side.

"Hey," she greeted cheerfully. "Is it time yet?"

"Um...no. Ten more minutes," I stammered.

I started forward again, desperate to get away from her before I did or said something I regretted. I heard the door squeak open more and Camila's footsteps echo down the hall after me.

"Hold on," she called, catching up with me and placing a hand on my arm. "Where are you going?"

"Backstage," I answered flatly.

"Why?" she chuckled. "You just said we have ten more minutes."

"I just...I don't know, I wanted to get an early start," I shrugged.

She slid her fingertips down my arm and wrapped them around my wrist, tugging lightly as she nodded in the direction of the dressing room.

"Come hang out with me," she suggested. "We've been so busy with the tour that I feel like I haven't even talked to you in a month."