Don't Matter

Chapter 59

Am I dreaming baby?
Are you for real?
Things are kind of hazy
And my head's all cloudy inside (Inside)
Now I've heard talk of angels, baby
But never though I would have one to call mine
(Never thought)
See you are just too good to be true
And I hope
There's not some kinda mirage
With you, oh baby."
Ol' Skool ft. Keith Sweat & Xscape "Am I Dreaming"

Karrueche

First and foremost, I want to say my thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims of the Santa Fe High School shooting.

I don't get it. It's like the more shootings there are, the less Congress does. The issue isn't only guns, but mental health and bullying. We have to do something about it fast.

To fix this sad mood, I'll start off with some poetry. Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm getting married tomorrow, when are you?

Sometimes I think I'm dreaming that tomorrow is my wedding day, but it's certainly real. The pinch marks on my arms prove it.

The big day is less than 24 hours away and I'll be honest; I'm having second doubts. It's like half of the world is against me because of Chris's past.

There is no excuse for what he did to Rihanna and it is going to follow him for the rest of his life no matter what, even after they've reconciled.

People keep saying this and that about him. Sometimes I don't know what to say or do. My family supports me to the fullest and so do my closest friends.

My Mom told me to follow my heart, but sometimes it can lead you astray. Maybe I should run. I think I'm going crazy.

I bet Meghan and Prince Harry aren't stressing out like I am as their wedding is also tomorrow.

My vows aren't even written. Every time I start to write, my mind goes blank and I can't find the right words to say. You could see a mountain of crumpled up pieces of paper in the trash bin next to our bed. I guess I'll be speaking from the heart.

I would say my favorite part about this whole wedding process was the cake tasting. Chris was being a bit unhelpful, telling me that I should choose the flavor.

He's the type of person to tell you he's cool with whatever you decide, but once he's affected negatively by the decision, you can see his whole demeanor change.

It's like when you go on a first date, and a guy or girl takes you to restaurant that you've never been to before and you've never had that type of cuisine. They ask you if it's okay and you front because you don't want to seem difficult. You're worried about making a good impression. But once you have a taste, you begin to force yourself to chew and keep a happy expression on your face, so you don't ruin the date.

Don't do that. It's good to try new things, but do that on future dates because you won't act like yourself. Be honest from the jump.

The same thing with Chris and I at a sushi bar. It was a bad idea.

So I told him that if he didn't give me his opinion, he would be walking down that aisle by himself. We settled on a three tier cake with dark chocolate, pink champagne, and good old vanilla bean.

I did get a little emotional when I was looking for a dress, even though it isn't anything glamorous or anything. I guess it was my dream coming true. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams; hopefully.