if i love you was a promise | b.e

eleven

*this chapter is a little bit longer babies xo

let's get this shit over with." billie said, causing finneas to laugh. "i thought i saw billie wearing that hoodie earlier." finneas grinned at me, and i just rolled my eyes as a response.

"everyone help themselves." patrick said, gesturing at the table with tortilla chips and guacamole. i sat next to billie and she smiled at me. "you hungry?" she asked, filling a plate for me. "yeah." i laughed and she handed it to me.

"how are you looking forward to touring with us, joey?" someone from the team said. "ill never be able to thank you guys enough." i replied gratefully.

"just remember, for now, we're not telling anyone. im sorry it has to be so secretive, but the fanbase will have a lot to take in, seeing as billie isn't even out yet." mike inputted.

billie sounded mad, asking, "so when can we tell them?"

"don't freak out billie. we'll sort it out soon." mike sighed.

"when is soon? i don't want to hide my life from them, mike. im tired of keeping secrets. you haven't even let me come out yet. you havent let me be with a girl. i feel like a fucking toy."

the whole team went quiet.

i put my hand on her thigh, and she picked it up and held it in hers without looking at me.

"i know you don't like it billie. tell you what, let's arrange something. tomorrow we can have a meeting before the flight and talk about everything, ok?"

"thank you." she sighed, her shoulders loosening. she scooped some guacamole on a chip and put it in my mouth. "as long as i can be with joey, im happy."

it made my heart flutter knowing i was the first girl she had ever been with. we were both new to doing things with girls, and i felt so incredibly lucky to be able to experience it with billie. the universe was finally on my side.

**

we hopped out of the uber and swiftly made our way to the lobby entrance after the meet and greet.

billie and i went straight up to the room and said goodnight to the rest of the family. we were having a meeting at 2pm then flying to paris at 7pm the next day.

billie shut the door behind her and took off her shoes, flopping onto the bed. "i love them, but they wear me out." she sighed. i took off my shoes too and joined her on the bed.

we were silent for a minute, just laying next to eachother.

"am i really the first girl you've ever..." i trailed off, not wanting to say 'been with' in case she wasn't sure yet.

"yeah. my label never really wanted me to associate with girls in that way. i told them i was hanging out with you as just a friend, and i so wanted to be able to hold back, but... i know this is all going so fast. im just excited i guess." she laughed lowly. "if you ever get uncomfortable or want to slow down, let me know, ok? we can go at whatever pace you want."

i almost teared up at billies words, but managed not to. "i wouldn't want it any other way than how it is right now." i leaned over and pressed my lips on her cheek. she let her head rock and stared at the ceiling, smiling slimly to herself.

everything was quiet for a while. i started to think maybe billie had drifted off to sleep.

i gave her a goodnight kiss, expecting to go straight to sleep afterwards, but felt a warm hand hold my back after a moment. i smiled at how sweet she was half asleep. i let myself fall right up next to her. "goodnight, billie." i whispered. i felt her hand interlock with my hand. she pulled them up to her face, kissing mine and leaving them lay between us, obviously too tired to talk.

**

i woke up to sun again, still in the same place as last night. i took my and billies hands and held them in my other hand, causing billie to stir. "hello, my love" she said groggily, hardly opening her eyes. she leaned in and gave me a kiss, starting my day off just right.

"i have morning breath." i giggled.

"i think morning breath is beautiful."

she never ceased to amaze me.

she snuggled up towards me again, kissing my forehead. "you look so beautiful when you're tired."

"so do you." i smiled.

"two days in paris, then we're back to LA for a week. im excited to show you around." billie said excitedly.

she turned her head and reached over to her phone then put it down again. "it's 10. we have four hours before the meeting." she sat up, flipping her hair over. "what you want to wear today?"

"whatever you want." i replied. "well, im not sure you could go out in that joey." she joked and i rolled my eyes, laughing as she crawled off the bed and padded over to the case. "ill get you some sweatpants" she said.

"do we have the day to ourselves until the meeting?" i wondered.

"as far as i know." she turned around, tossing the clothes at me. "what you wanna do?"

"i just want to be near you." i whispered, suddenly getting a rush of pure love for billie. she turned around, pouting at me. "baby." she said in a sweet tone, coming over to kiss me.

"i just want to stay here with you all day." i whispered in her ear as she kissed my forehead. "then that's what we'll do." she smiled, leaning in again and kissing my lips.

she held onto my waste and pulled me up to sit beside her. "can we do what we did in the bathroom?" she asked eagerly, lightly tugging at my hair. "maybe we can try something different." i grinned back, and she leaned back in to kiss me.

we both closed our eyes and time went by quickly. we were both so in awe of eachother. so addicted to eachothers touch. eachothers kiss. it was so exciting, so new for the both of us. i just hoped she wouldn't get bored of me. i knew for sure i wouldn't get bored of her. i thought about what might happen during the tour, and what might happen after.

my thoughts were interrupted when finneas busted through the door.

billie leaped back, going red, saliva all over her mouth. finneas stopped in his tracks. "oh my god, im sorry-" he started. "don't worry about it, fin." she wiped her mouth and finneas looked at me. he paused, "are you guys...?" he looked at billie, then at me, then back at billie. billie sighed, "please don't tell the team, fin. we haven't talked about it yet, ok?" she looked at him with pleading eyes. "yeah... don't worry about that. but you have to be careful, billie. that was the teams only condition." he pointed out.

billie started talking a bit louder, getting annoyed. "they wouldn't let me take her with me if i said i had feelings for her, fin, you know that. we dont have to tell them for a while. come on, wouldn't you do the same?"

i was a little shaken by what billie and finneas were saying. the fact that billie was going through all this just to spend a couple of months with me was so bewildering, something id never understand. and the way she said she had feelings for me so seriously gave me hope that she might want this to be exclusive.

"i recommend you talk about this. like, now. you know im always on your side, bil. just don't fuck it up, ok?" finneas sighed.

"im trying." she said, sounding upset.

finneas shut left the room and billie turned straight to me. "joey.."

"billie, we can be whatever you want us to be. if we have to hide this from everyone, that's ok, because at the end of the day i get to sleep next to you, and wake up next to you."

"i want this. i want it to be 'billie and joey'. after the tour too." she looked into my eyes for a reaction, and that was what she got. my eyes welled up but i didn't let a tear fall. for years i had admired her, cried over how plainly beautiful she was. now i was here, sitting on a bed with her, wearing her hoodie, and listening to her telling me she wants something between us. being loved the way you love someone is the most wholesome feeling there is.

"i want it too." i smiled as she took my hand. "we can talk about it more after the meeting, i think coming out to everyone is the first step." she laughed.