if i love you was a promise | b.e

fourteen

my eyes opened slightly as i felt lips press on mine. i was too tired to be scared by it.

"hey." billie whispered.

"what time is it?" i asked groggily.

"almost 8:30. the plane's stopping for a bit on the way." billie smiled tiredly.

"oh, ok. what time will we get there?"

"like, 10 or something." she rubbed her eyes.

i rolled my eyes. "fuck."

billie pulled me in to a kiss again.

"do you want to talk about..." she trailed off, "us?" looking up at me, concern in her eyes.

"what do you mean?" i asked. was that what she had been thinking about this whole time?

"i mean... ive never been with a girl before. nevermind anything exclusive. i don't really know what im doing, if im being honest." she said quietly, looking down at her fingers.

i smiled at how sweet she was.

"are you happy?" was the first thing i asked.

"of course im happy. i already told you, i want this to last." she made my heart flutter.

"then let's take it slow." i smiled. "we don't need to rush it."

billie smiled wholesomely. "ok. i think that's a good idea."

she leaned over and kissed me again. she almost pulled away but i grabbed her waist, i didn't want it to end. i let her tongue slip into my mouth and she started to get more into it, moaning quietly.

"i can hear you guys." we both jumped back at finneas' remark. i covered my hand with my mouth, and billie looked at me, smiling slightly trying to hide her embarrassment. she waited a moment before saying "are mom and dad awake?"

"no. thank god." finneas laughed and billie rolled her eyes.

"go to sleep, finneas." she said, smiling.

"i cant if you guys are fucking right behind me." finneas joked. i felt my face turn bright red. "oh my god, shut the fuck up." billie put her hand over the top of his seat and smacked his head. finneas just laughed as a response.

billie looked at me, sighed, and gently kissed me, aware of listeners. she pushed up the handle bar in between or seats and put her head on my lap, allowing me to play with her hair. i smiled down at her as she took a deep breath in and out, closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

**

i woke up with a sharp pain in my ears and opened my eyes to see billie sitting up, looking out the window. she was holding my hand almost too hard.

"you don't like landings?" i assumed. billie shook her head rapidly, nervously looking back out the window and squeezing my hand tighter.

"hey." i put my arm around her, allowing her to settle down a little.

we managed to land safely in paris. the long flight was worth it, it was the most beautiful city i had ever seen.

**
there were no ubers in paris so we were taking a taxi. i held billie in my arms as we watched paris at night fly by us. she was exhausted, barely keeping her eyes open. every night she seemed more and more tired. touring was wearing her out.

in paris we were staying on a tour bus. i was excited to experience it, i always loved being in buses and cars for long periods of time and being with billie and the o connells would make it even better.

the taxi pulled up outside a trailer park where a huge bus was parked. "that's the one." patrick said, undoing his seat belt. he thanked the driver and paid and we all made our way over.

maggie laughed as i practically carried billie across the park. "straight to sleep tonight, girls." maggie said caringly. i giggled as billie tripped and clutched onto me for support. "baby."

i was practically lifting her at this point, making her giggle sleepily.

i managed to help her onto the bus, and i looked around in awe. billie stood with her hand in mine as everyone brought all the bags on. "man." i gasped.

billie let out a tired laugh, pulling me over towards the bunks. there were two queen sized bunk beds built into the bus towards the back, with a very slim space in between. billie snaked her way into one on the bottom and immediately fell asleep. i sighed in awe of her before gently taking off her chains, rings and shoes. i gave them and my own to maggie who knew where everything should be stored and snuggled in next to billie. i let myself squirm out of excitement as the bus started to rock gently as we drove off.

"you two ok in there?" maggie whispered, leaning down to check on billie and i as the rest of the family got into their bunks.

i smiled as a response, and that was the last thing i remembered before waking up the next morning, billie cuddling me from behind. i decided to stay in this position and enjoy it while everyone else slept. i had gotten the best sleep in a long time that night. the rocking bus must have acted like a cradle and put me to sleep like a baby.

i felt stirring behind me and then a pair of velvet lips on my neck. "good morning." billie whispered, her hot breath hitting my skin. i turned over to snuggle into her side and we both just stared at top of our bunk, not even a foot away from our heads.

"hey."

"my friends are flying in today for the next couple of shows. you want to meet them?" billie asked.

"fuck yeah, who's coming?" i replied excitedly.

"7 AMP, the bell twins and aidan alexander."

"you're good with aidan and q?" i questioned, confused as she had listed two of her exes.

"yeah, man. q and i just kind of fell out of whatever we were while i was in asia. it's not that major. and i forgave aidan. we're cool, i promise. nothings gonna happen."

"i didn't even mean it like that, but thanks for letting me know anyway." i smiled, comforted by the fact that she had no feelings left for them.

"im excited to meet them. i love the twins and the other twos music is fire."

"they're all so talented. ive missed them so much." she sighed.

"when was the last time you saw them?" i asked.

"i saw eli, isaac and aidan last time i was in LA." she paused for a minute before saying quietly, "the last time i saw q we were still together."

"fuck." she gasped.