To The End With You

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - F o u r

Photo: The imperial family in Livadia 1913

August 1913
Ella's wedding was beautiful, the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to. Seeing her walk down the isle in her gown made me tear up a little. She was so beautiful and the dress that she wore made her look like a Grand Duchess. It took place in Denmark since her now husband was from there. I was so happy for her, and ready for her return. She will be back tomorrow and I'll be waiting.

I was on the track of gaining weight eating four full meals a day. I had ladies in waiting watch me to make sure that I ate everything. Dr. Botkin visited more often asking if I remember anything from before that night. Life has been going slow, Alexei had his 9th birthday. There was a grand ball held in St Petersburg. Now I understand why the Grand Duchesses didn't know simple things like the currency of money.

I feel so sheltered here, almost forgetting simple things to know in the real world. It was crazy the things that I was forgetting.

I was going on my daily walk with my grandmother's lady in waiting and a few guards surrounding us. I was walking through one of the trails in the gardens. It was sunny with a bit of clouds. The weather was quite warm in St Petersburg. Grandmother and I were staying at her palace. I haven't seen my sisters in a while, I wonder what they are doing? The walks I took were quite boring, nothing to really speak about with my grandmother's lady in waiting. She was around my grandmother's age and always seemed to wear something dark purple on her, either a piece of her clothing, shoes, or jewelry.

Her name was Sophia and she was assigned to Grandmother when she first became Tsarina of Russia. I knew that Grandmother was really stressed because I've heard her speaking over the phone every night to someone. I think it's the same person because it's always at a certain time, 8:00 pm. I think it's Mama because I'm the prime source of their conversations.

I think that mama doesn't want me living with Grandmother anymore because one night I was practicing my walking in the palace with Grandmother's lady in waiting and I heard my Grandmother yell in distress, "I will not allow you to have her near Rasputin!" After hearing that Sophia didn't let us walk passed my grandmother's room again.

I was currently sitting in grandmother's parlor playing the piano, I was finally allowed to play it again. I played it while Sophia sat on the couch reading. The silent room was filled with the melody of Russian toons as I sat and played. I didn't notice when Grandmother walked in with a frown on her face, "Why aren't you in bed yet?"she asked. Sophia looked up and I turned around stopping the melody. "I apologize your grace, I didn't realize what time it was," Sophia muttered.

"Stop apologizing and start paying attention, report back to me when you are done."my grandmother snapped. Sophia quickly rushed me out of the room guiding me to mine. The room I had now in grandmother's palace in rush was much more different then the one in Denmark. It was bigger and much more grand. I quickly got changed and and rushed to bed. "Good night Valentina,"Sophia muttered as she turned off my lamp.

She left the room and closed the door. I waited for a second and left my room following her to the parlor again. I reached the parlor doors and leaned against them (with strangely no servants in sight)trying to listen very carefully, "I apologize dearly Sophia, I didn't mean to react in such a harsh manner, the Tsarina is tiring out my old bones with the late night conversations."

"No need to apologize your grace, I can tell that you are very tense lately."Sophia objected. "Oh Sophia, I don't know what to do! You are the only close friend that I can trust right now. The Tsarina wants to take my dear Valentina. She keeps listing all of these reasons to take her back while Rasputin is still around, and my dear Nicky is doing absolutely nothing! He-Rasputin is a very dangerous man, he is the reason I took Vanya in the first place!"Grandmother cried out.

I felt my pulse quicken and I started to sweat. I didn't know what to feel or what to do. I didn't want to hear their conversation anymore, I heard enough to know I might return to OTMA and Rasputin. I ran back to my room and laid in my army cot bed. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything since I'm only 14 going on to 15 in November, I'm useless. I can't control anything nor anyone. How am I going to save them?! How am I supposed to come up with a plan?

I felt tears start to run down my face out of frustration, I didn't know what to do. I had to come up with a plan soon with 1914 coming up very quickly. As I laid in bed thinking repeatedly, I felt my eyes starting to grow tired. I let out a yawn letting myself fall asleep thinking on the matter tomorrow with more energy.