Love Me | Series Book #1

FORTY TWO

I don't know how I got outside the house so quickly, but I found myself heaving against the car doors, grasping my arm as pain coursed through my shoulder as the last few seconds played across my mind once more. And, I wasn't sure whether it was her or me that was hurting worse in this. She didn't attack me like I thought she would, but I wasn't going to defend myself either way. It might have felt better if she had hit me. After all, she deserved someone to take it out on even more than I did. She had to live with the very thing that was killing her. I was the lucky one in this triad, my problems paled in comparison. 

I got back in the car, and backed out of the driveway with clouded vision. I could've driven off a cliff at this point, without a damn to give. Try to end up in the hospital for the second time so I could prolong the distance between myself and what would surely be waiting to greet me on the way out. 

And the very last thing expected to greet me outside of my house was the pickup truck parked in the spot that I'd left empty. Paired with a mop of dark hair, and a black hoodie. I double checked the time on the dashboard, but school still had four hours left to go. The pieces of the scene weren't connecting in my mind, but the story was written all over his face. And, I had nowhere to hide, caged behind a translucent windshield, on full display. 

It was out in the open now.

Aly must have sent him here after receiving my text. Or Rachel. I wasn't sure who said what, or what was even said,  but it didn't even matter. He would have patched the story together on his own, because that's just how smart he was. Way smarter than me, to dare believe that I could keep this up forever. 

I couldn't look him in the eyes, as I tugged open the door handle and stepped out. My cast confirming any additional details of the story that he was missing. I didn't want to see what he saw as he looked at me, because I just simply couldn't face it. 

He touched my arm as I tried to brush past him, forming a wall with his body to block my way. I could feel the taut breath that escaped his nostrils as it settled over my lashes. Heavy and strained. I held my gaze to his converse sneakers, wishing in my mind that I could simply sink into the pavement beneath the soles. 

"Is it true?"

The phrase wasn't question for me to answer, but a testament to whether I had the strength within myself, to admit it out loud to the only person who had ever  made me feel protected, and from the ever-present looming threat that he himself wasn't even aware of.  I could lie to him again, if I wanted to. I could do it over and over again, 1000 times in a row. But, it wouldn't make any difference now. All it would do was confirm just how much of a coward I was. 

"Chase, please don't...I can't-"

"Kaya, is it fucking true?" 

The front door to the house came open, and I caught view of the red glare of dad my dad's baseball cap from the front steps, peeking over Chase's shoulder.

Not now.

 I couldn't take any more of this, nonetheless in front of an audience. I pulled my eyes from the door, and at last, reached his eyes, that looked worn by circles by of sleepless nights. 

"Yes."

It felt as though the world as I knew it got sucked in with the sharp breath he pulled into his lungs. He turned his back on me, with a fist running through his thick hair, as he paced two steps towards the grass, then back again. "Fuck!" Back he went to to edge of the driveway, and positioned his hands on the side of the car, as if to settle them from shaking. "I should've known. I should have fucking known."

He slammed his first towards the window, and halted a fraction of a second  before making contact with the glass, and dropping his hand down the surface.