Rogue Queen ➵ 2.0

➵ XXII. Am I a Psychopath?

Sunday, January 7th, 2018, 6:00am

My Demons - Starset

Zaine's POV

"Pathetic."

"Weak."

"You're worthless."

"No, I'm not. Not anymore."

All around me in nothing but darkness. Then members of my old coven appear surrounding me, harsh glares all decorating their ugly ass faces. The old pimp— I mean coven leader stands a few feet in front of me. I stand with my eyes closed, trying to shut their voices out.

"Hey gay boy! Come join with us!"

"We're having target practice. You're the target!"

"Good luck hitting me and my ninja skills."

"You're a toy."

"Your mother should have married me. You are a mistake."

"She fell in love with my dad, not you. She never wanted to be married to a controlling and abusive asshole like you, even if you were to be the next coven leader. She didn't mean to have me but it freed her from your arranged marriage. I'm an accident but not a mistake."

"Kill yourself."

"No one will ever love you, fag."

"..."

"They'll throw you away. Then where will you go?"

"You'll come crawling back to us."

"You're all dead. I watched them slaughter you like the damn demons you are."

"He'll get tired of you eventually. He'll see that it was a stupid decision to love you."

"He was a fucking idiot to reject his mate. She was so much better than you."

"..."

"What, no snappy retort, fag?"

"You know it's true."

"You should be rotting in hell. You and that fucking fag boyfriend."

My eyes snap open and narrow. I send my old coven glares that could put Satan's to shame.

"Don't say shit about him," I hiss lowly.

"Ooo, kitten has claws," the coven leader says sweetly.

I chuckle darkly, a crazed grin on my lips. "Oh sweetie, this kitten has more than just claws."

At the image I picture in my mind, my body starts shifting, the tingling feeling one I'm so used to. My nails morph into wickedly sharp claws, my hands covered in sharp black scales. The scales cover my whole body and obsidian horns grow on my head as two black wings sprout on my back. My face turns into a snout, my neck lengthening into a serpentine form.

I love this dragon form. Too bad I can't do this in real life.

"I rule this dream," I growl, my voice rough. "I can do and become whatever the hell I want. And what I want right now is to rip you all to shreds."

With that, I lunge. Within a few minutes, all of my past abusers are dead. Blood is everywhere in this inky blackness, along with dismembered limbs. My body shifts back to normal, making me give a soft 'aw' of disappointment.

Despite that, I feel proud. I beat them. I didn't let them beat me down again. I am stronger than them. I'm not what my demons tell me I am.

Killian appears in front me and my mood brightens instantly, only to drop when I see his cold glare.

"What is it?" I ask, reaching out to place my hand on his shoulder. He slaps my hand away and, feeling hurt, I let it drop back down to my side. "What's wrong?"

"You think I'd stay with you?" Killian says harshly. "With a crazy psychopath?"

"I'm not a psychopath," I say softly, starting to feel unsure.

"You are," he hisses. "Look around. Look at what you did."

"They deserved it," I whisper.

"Does anyone deserve this?" Killian says.

With one last glare at me, he turns around and walks away and doesn't look back.

My eyes open slowly. My sleeping boyfriend faces me in bed, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist and his expression peaceful. Both of us are only in boxers, liking the skin to skin contact with each other.

The words my mind conjured up from him echo in my mind. I don't believe he would ever say those things to me. We all joke about me being a little crazy but I know they don't seriously mean I'm really insane. I'm not a psychopath, I just... have a little more interest in blood and excitement in combat.

I miss Mom. She did her best to protect me from the coven. She was let out of the arranged marriage with the next coven leader to raise me with Dad. The leader was angry and since he couldn't take it out on Mom, he took it out on me. Dad suffered a bit too but he left a few years after I was born, so he didn't suffer as long. Then the coven leader got fed up with Mom getting in their way and he... got rid of her. Permanently.

Saddened by the memories and the dream, I squirm closer to Killian and rest my head on his chest, finding comfort in him. My movements wake him and he lets out a quiet groan, readjusting his grip on me as his sleepy eyes meet mine. I know he must see the ghost of the pain in my eyes because he instantly seems more awake.

"What is it, love?" he whispers, his voice raspy and his hand coming up to rest on my cheek.

Ignoring his morning breath and mine, I send images of my dream to him through our private mind-link.

"I know it's not true," I whisper, "But it still kind of hurts. Killian, do you think I'm really insane?"

"I don't." Killian smiles softly. "You're just as sane as I am, Zaine, which probably isn't as sane as Reina or Strange, but that's one thing I love about you. You know when to be serious and when to be a complete child. I'm never leaving you and we're never abandoning you either. I love you too much to let you go."

A small smile appears on my lips and I sing softly, "If you love me let me go."

"Never," Killian chuckles and hugs me tightly. Smiling, I cuddle closer to him, throwing one leg over his and wrapping my arms around his chest, wanting to be as close to him as possible. "Oh and that dragon thing in your dream was awesome."

He kisses my forehead lightly, making me pout and kiss him on the lips and he kisses back immediately. I open my mouth, letting his tongue into my mouth as both of us completely disregard morning breath.

I love the warmth I get from him both physically and emotionally. I love how I can feel all of his emotions poured into each kiss we share. I love everything about him.

We pull away when we need air, Killian resting his forehead against mine.

"I don't think we're going back to sleep now," he whispers.

I smile, knowing we're thinking the same thing. After another quick kiss to my lips, Killian sits up and grabs our shared laptop out of the drawer of the nightstand while I get out of bed and head to the door.

I look back and give him a grin. "You get Jurassic Park up on Netflix, I'll go get the snacks."