Break In My Heart

38. Dirty

Warning: this chapter contains strong language, mentions of triggering subject matter such as conversation therapy, attempted suicide, and depression. If any of these things trigger you, feel free to skip the chapter. Also, if you struggle with any of this, call 1-800-273-8255. Help is always available, and know that you're not weak for asking for help, but you are incredibly strong for seeking out help when you need it. I love you all and enjoy the chapter.

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A heavy feeling hung over us in the elevator as we made the long trip up to my apartment. I was done sitting around while Tyler silently destroyed himself. I was done allowing him to suffer in silence. Luckily because we were in hell week, my fathers and siblings had taken over my nights of making dinner. But that just meant I'd have a week straight of making dinner for my family to make up for it.

After I'd ran all over the school that morning to find him, I found him in the studio sitting on the floor blankly staring at his lap as if his body were merely a shell and his mind was somewhere else. It felt like he was on the other side of a glass, numb and unreachable. Trapped.

That same aura followed him throughout the day, but, much like when we broke up, the moment anyone would throw a "hi" his way, his mask of joy and laughter returned, hiding the broken mess underneath. He still hadn't touched me or even looked at me and I was really starting to question if I was the problem. Had I done or said something to him? Had I not done or said something for him?

Had I, had I, had I...

Much like the day before, as soon as we entered the apartment, he flew up to my room, seemingly unable to get away from me fast enough. I simply watched him as he went, unable to bring myself to reach for him or call his name. The sound of my bedroom door closing caused the invisible string that was holding my shoulders up to snap, resulting in my shoulders falling into the slumped position they'd been fighting all day.

"How is he?" Papa asked as he appeared next to me. He was wearing a dress shirt, slacks, and his fancy "I'm going into the office" shoes. His tie was undone and lazily resting on his chest and the first few buttons were undone revealing the edge of his tattoo over his heart he got for my father, my siblings, and me.

"Broken." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

He patted my shoulder. "I know this is hard, Addi. Trust me. When your father suddenly became stand-offish after he broke up with me, I was so confused but terrified above everything else. It's scary when something's going on with the person you love and you don't know why or what you can do to help. But luckily for the both of you, you have us." He wrapped his arms around me. "After dinner, we're going to figure this out. Just me, you, your father, and Tyler. We'll do our best to make this better for him, okay?"

I nodded as I held him tighter. "Ok."

To be honest, it was making me uneasy how similar to my fathers' story our story was becoming. Trauma, an unsupportive family, pain. What would come next in this sequel of their lives?

When I pulled away, Padre held my face in his hands. "You're a good boy, Addison. Don't forget it. When I went through the same thing, I blamed myself. Questioned everything I ever did or ever said, but listen to me when I tell you that you're a good boy, okay?"

I swallowed and nodded. "Ok."

He gave me a reassuring grin before he pulled my head down and kissed my forehead. "Sii forte, okay? (Stay strong, okay?)"

I nodded. He kissed my forehead once more before he started walking away. "Go be there for your boyfriend. Dinner will be done soon."

I wasted no time going up to my room ready to try to talk through things with Tyler or at least show him the love I had for him. But instead of being met with him thrown out across my bed the way I expected, I found him packing his limited things into a bag.