Break In My Heart

52. Close To Better

It had been about a week since Tyler left and I hadn't left my room. How could I go out into the world and pretend like everything was okay when my heart was broken? When a piece of me was missing?

I tried to cope by diving into the collection of Tyler's clothes he'd given me that were all soaked in his cologne– he even gave me a bottle of it to use when the scent started to fade. But my efforts were in vain because they were simply cheap replacements, nowhere near as good or comforting as him.

I missed his embrace and his kisses and his random tangents. I missed him, and my world didn't seem right without him in it. So it simply stopped.

I didn't eat, not even when my family brought it up to my room. It got to the point that my fathers would have to force me to eat and watch me do make sure I was actually doing it. School would also still be out for another few weeks, so I had nothing to take me away from their prying eyes or bury myself in.

When I got into the shower, it felt so lonely and big. Gone were the days I'd relish in my time in the shower. Now I simply rushed in and out back into my empty cold bed.

I'd talked to Tyler since he left, but not a lot since he was being drowned in the case. From lawyer appointments to moving into his temporary place, he was busier than ever. I just did my best to support him and remind him that I was there for him no matter what. And despite all of the craziness, we still managed to tell each other that we loved each other every night whether it was on the phone or over text, which was comforting.

As I sat on my window sill and stared out at the dark, busy city that stretched out before me, I felt a tug in my chest before my vision blurred with fresh tears. Every now and again, the emotions I was trying so hard to mask slipped through the cracks and presented themselves as liquid grief. And I made no attempt to fight it.

I just missed him so much.

Just then, there was a knock at the door and I mentally cursed. Of course, I'd be having another emotional break right when my fathers came to bring me dinner. I loved them, no doubt about it, but it was suffocating having them watch my every move and try to soothe me during an unsoothable situation. However, the voice on the other side was that of neither my Papa nor Padre.

"Addison? I brought you dinner. Can I eat with you?" Azalea softly asked from outside.

I relaxed as I called for her to come in, feeling no need to wipe my eyes and try to cover up my pain. I didn't need to do that around her.

"Wow, you look awful," she lightly joked as she joined me on the window seat and presented me with a bowl of shrimp and cheese rice.

"Screw off," I grumbled as I took it from her and held it in my lap.

We sat in silence for a few minutes with only the sound of our spoons scraping the bowl filling the otherwise still air. I could see the gears turning behind her eyes as she geared up to ask me the question I didn't want to be asked.

"Addison–"

"How are things going with you and Josh?"

Azalea, seeing through my bs sighed and raised a brow. "Addison, I'm worried–"

"Azalea, you already know the answer to your question and it's not going to change any time soon, so just drop it, okay?"

She scoffed. "Addison, I know that you're supposed to be my older brother and all, but you're not invincible. You don't have to be so strong and defensive all the time, so let me, as your sister, be strong for you this time, okay?"

I sighed and relented, causing her to smile and open her arms, inviting me in for a hug. I wasted no time leaning over and rested my head on her shoulder. She pressed her cheek against the top of my head. "I know you feel like shit, but how are you processing everything and what are your next steps?"