Adam Driver Character Imagines

~The Monster I See-Kylo Ren~

A/N—some angst, mostly fluff and soft Kylo

TW—mention of ableism

There were not many people to whom Kylo Ren owed his life. But you... you were one of them. He had never truly wrapped his head around the fact that you saved his life. More specifically, why you had saved his life. Why you had sacrificed yourself when you were practically nothing to him. No one to him. He didn't even know you.

Kylo could still remember that day like it was yesterday. He had been fighting alongside some Stormtroopers and a band of officers he had been traveling with at the time before the attack. They all meant nothing to him; expendable fools who barely even regarded him unless they had to. Then the first bomb went off.

There was immediate chaos. Screaming, billowing smoke, shots whizzing past their heads. Stormtroopers and officers falling limply to the ground. Kylo hadn't seen the second charge landing at his feet. The last thing he knew, was his feet had left the ground and he was laying flat on his back several feet away. At first there had only been rage towards whoever had thrown him, but then his eyes landed on you.

You with your hair freed wildly from the uncomfortable First Order-issued caps. You with your dark grey uniform torn and tattered. Eyes widened, chest heaving, Blaster clutched in a trembling hand. Kylo didn't even have a chance to react before the charge exploded. He remembered seeing your body flying and hitting the ground. He remembered the faint ringing in his ears as he uncharacteristically dragged himself over to you.

His gloved fingers had found your slow, unsteady pulse. Kylo didn't know why he had bothered carrying you all the way back to the transport. Had it been anyone else, he'd have left you there to die. It hadn't stopped there. Once the transport arrived back on Starkiller Base, he had insisted on carrying your weakening body all the way up to the medbay. Kylo had sent you to one of the best doctors—one that was usually intended for superior officers—and sat at your beside, unable to look away.

He had been there for every second of it. Doctors telling him, "Commander, she doesn't have a family." Nurses insisting, "Commander, return to your quarters. We have everything handled." He didn't listen. Kylo Ren was by your side through every surgery, every test, and every brief flicker of hope when you so much as shifted in bed. The doctors had told him that you would wake soon. Excitement had coursed through him. But then the galaxy seemed to remember that it never liked to do anything kind for Kylo Ren.

"Commander," they had said, "she's never going to be able to see again."

The excitement had been placed by rage. Kylo had risen so quickly, that his chair put a dent in the wall. He had screamed at the nurses, screamed at the doctors, and done all he could for demanding that they try to save your vision. When they told him it was impossible, he had taken out his aggression on everything he could get his hands on. Destroying walls with his saber, breaking windows, crushing furniture.

He had never been so furious in his life.

All of the tears he had spilled were for nothing. All of the surgeries he had sat through for fear that the doctors did something wrong, meant nothing. It was all meaningless to him if you couldn't see his face in the end. He had wanted nothing more than to see your eyes flutter open and fill with gratitude. Fill with love. To look at him like he wasn't just a monster.

But that would never happen.

The months had dragged by and Kylo still couldn't manage to let you go. He had watched you figure out how to maneuver properly now that your vision was gone. He felt the pride of seeing you learning to read by dragging your fingertips over little bumps. Kylo had found himself utterly and hopelessly captivated by you. Whenever he had the chance to walk past you through a corridor, he took it. His eyes would linger on you as long as possible, drinking in your features. Your eyes never found his. And that broke his heart.