The Thing about Falling ✓

Thirty Seven • Still Processing

Owen

I didn't cheat on Athena.

I didn't even know if simply spending my time after school with someone else was considered cheating when I didn't feel the same way about her the same way I do with Athena. I didn't look at her that way.

But then it happened, and all hell broke loose in my head until I realized what a huge idiot I had been.

I knew what I was doing back then, although everything happened when I was heavily intoxicated. I only remembered that everything had been such a blur, I thought that the person I did it with was Athena.

It would be immoral to call that incident an example of a scenario where someone overstepped my own sexual boundaries. I was well aware of my actions, and that made me spiral down even deeper.

I'm such an idiot.

Breaking up with her felt like a horrible exam that went totally wrong even after nights of studying. After I had done the deed, I felt everything rush back to me- the spark ,the fire ,the contentment ,compassion; everything hits you back like they are meant to kill you.

Every emotion was a piercing dagger, stabbing me a thousand times until I feel all so vulnerable and ashamed. Of course, I also felt regret because I really thought she was finally the one. She was my first and I was hopeful she would end up being my last.

I suppose things don't really work out well for me.

It took me long enough to finally accept the fact that things between Athena and I have ended and I was guessing word reached Marley too. Calix was out today because I was thinking he was with Athena. I don't blame him though. They were already friends before Cal transferred to my high school anyway.

I was still at home even after a few days after Cassidy attempted to snap me back to reality. It worked for a while but it immediately wore off. It was like pain medication. As much as I hated needing someone to remind me of things, I still feel like crap.

"You look horrible." Marley immediately told me as soon as she came barging in my room with a large pizza on her lap.

I shrugged back at her and just sat up in bed with my back pressed against the headboard. I don't think I've ever gone out of bed these days.

Marley went up to me, left her wheelchair beside my bed and sat right around me, giving me a concerning look. She opened up the pizza box she brought and the smell of pepperoni and mozzarella cheese infiltrated my senses, I could've sworn I helped myself to a piece unconsciously. 

I slowly took one and opened my mouth slightly to bite off the tip of the slice I got before Marley's soft hand grabbed my wrist and I turned to her confused.

"Take your retainers out before you eat." she said as she motioned my teeth, still clad in my plastic retainers.

I rarely get out of my room that I almost forgot that to remove these little plastic things to keep my teeth from shifting. 

"Oh. Sorry." I said as I fumbled for my retainer case by my bedside and popped them off, covering my mouth as I did. Marley shook her head.

"You really are getting the worst of the break up, aren't you?" she asked as she took a slice of pizza for herself and ate slowly. 

I was silent for a moment and stared down at the greasy pizza I had in my hands. 

"I don't know. It's wrong to assume that I got the worst when I don't get any news about her lately." I said, slowly biting off the tip of the pizza, chewing ever so slowly as if I can't taste the saltiness of the pepperoni.