The Thing about Falling ✓

Twenty • The Thing about the Past

Athena

I hung up.

As much as I want to scream and tell him to fuck off, I can't. My mouth cannot formulate the words I wanted to tell him. I was still scared.

He hurt me on his own will. He went away after I was hurt and never reconnected with me or even uttered a simple apology before going away.

I immediately threw my phone over to my bed and sat up on my desk chair cuddling my legs.

Suddenly, I don't feel the surge and pressure of midterms on me anymore.

I feel blank.

In most stories, the one with the mental problems always get them worse throughout the whole plot. Well, for once, I though I was different. I actually got better after it happened. And I was not doubting myself anymore. I liked how things went after he left and I wanted them to stay that way. The thing is, I want him to go away.

Elliot.

God, that name still stings.

To be honest, when he and I shockingly dated during our earlier years of high school, I didn't know what the hell I found in him and more so, what he found in me.

He was on the wrestling team at school and was pretty popular with the girls. I was just your average student who runs on a scholarship. I was happy with the friends I had and when he and I got close, things moved pretty quickly.

Like, real quick.

I regret all the things I did with him before and I curse myself for not thinking straight when I was a little bit younger. I hated losing all the great "first things" to such an asshole. I hated how quick I was to decide on them. I hated how everything with Elliot was so fast-paced, I didn't know whether we both wanted it or he just wanted it.

I hate him.

To think that I actually found some good in the guy before, jeez.

I closed my eyes and rocked myself up on the desk chair I was sitting on. My chest was thumping like crazy and cold sweat ran down my neck.

I didn't like this.

I never did.

I was fine for a good two years and yet once I heard his voice again, those same two years and psychiatrist sessions were all destined to go to waste.

I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head towards the direction in which I threw my phone in. The holographic but mostly sage green case of my phone glinted whenever sunlight hits it from my window and I shakily stood up to get it.

Opening my phone, I quickly exited my Contacts and decided that I do need to calm myself down.

Owen is not here to reassure me that everything's fine even when they aren't. He is not here to tell me to breathe and not let my head get to me. He is not here.

He is not here.

He's with Maya.

Probably hanging out and having the absolute best times of their lives somewhere where I am not. They have the right to enjoy, to be honest. After all, they're the ones who had just finished midterms and I still have one last exam tomorrow, not that I am currently out of my mind as of the moment and am currently seeking any form of human reassurance.

God, I wish my Aunt was here. I miss her terribly.

I didn't want to go back to the Contacts list and see his number again. I don't want to risk another breakdown when I have my last midterm tomorrow.