The Thing about Falling ✓

Forty One • Confrontation

Owen

I feel as if I've become a ghost.

I don't know. I'm not even sure myself.

Emotions are now foreign to me, and lately, to keep my mind off things, I just drift by in school like some poltergeist who is completely unaware of his surroundings.

At least, I do now.

I didn't even notice nearly a month has passed ever since school started again and here I was, back in university, left only with small remnants of the past. 

I have bottled up my feelings, locking them tight in the back of my head in attempt to avoid breaking down over guilt, shame, and the unforgettable feeling of loneliness. 

The idea of Athena moving out of our shared dorm room flew over my mind when I had came upon the decision of cutting things off. I didn't expect her to leave.

I just thought she'd at least stay for the rest of the year because we had already been listed together. But then I remembered how Athena's not your typical 'good girl' kind of person and somehow, she gets her way into everything.

I smiled sadly at the thought of her. And so I continued thinking about her during class.

Thinking of her was the only thing that kept me sane from all the other crap that beats me up. 

I had chem lab today.

Dr. Anderson had been droning on and on in his quick demo on microscale acid-base titration for the past half hour now and I couldn't wait to get out as quick as possible.

Maya was here too.

As much as her presence in almost every, single class disturbed me, I couldn't just let her and what happened between us break the shit out of me again.

Not this time.

I was neutral to everything now.

Unfeeling. 

Unknowing. 

Unbothered.

I manifested this over winter break and damn, do I feel a little bit better about myself. I had nearly reverted back to my sulky, emotionally unstable high school self, just lesser of those.

Feeling almost nothing was better than feeling so many things at once, is it not?

But Maya was seated at the table right in front of me now, in the way of my view from the professor's demo. She always made me feel uncomfortable, especially now, as her head slowly turned toward my direction and then back at the professor. Until they landed back again on me.

We stared at each other.

She looked at me apologetically and mouthed,

"I'm sorry."

I stared at her blankly then shook my head.

Bitch, I thought.

I looked down and avoided her gaze, turning my attention toward writing down whatever shit the professor is saying about what we're gonna do next meeting. Well, that and drawing random, infinite circles over and over again.

A few minutes passed, Dr. Anderson still went on and on with the basic mechanics on our next lab test, and now, the tall stool beside mine had now been occupied.

I didn't raise my head up.

I knew who sat there, anyway.

"Owen, please, it's been nearly two months since it happened. Aren't we supposed to be friends?" Maya whispered as she looked at me desperately for an answer.