accompanied | billie eilish

forty-one

billie

it's official that ash will be in hospital for a while, so we're all getting ready to head back to the bus and get some rest.

"is she okay?" i ask tyler as he leaves her hospital room. i haven't been in since before she woke up: i'm aware i'm not actually her bandmate and i don't want to intrude.

he nods, dead on his feet, too tired to formulate another response, and i smile sympathetically at him.

i hear someone tapping on the shallow plastic of the shitty hospital chairs (i have been sat on one for the last five hours and my back really fucking hurts) and spin around to see a tearstained aria, tapping on the chair to get my attention, swamped in one of shay's massive hoodies. i think wistfully to myself that she's never looked cuter.

after a moment i blink and realise it's actually aria. "w- oh. hi." i rub the back of my neck, wincing. "i- is everything okay?"

she looks very contemplative for a moment, like she's reconsidering this whole thing, before rolling her eyes as if to say fuck it. she grabs me by the hand and drags me down the hall, into a janitor's closet, and pulls the door shut behind us.

for a moment we're drowned in darkness, but i hear her fingers scrabbling for the light switch and a few moments later i can see again.

"okay, what's going on," i say uncertainly.

aria takes a long, deep breath, and she looks more scared than i've ever seen her. her knees are like jelly.

"i..." she starts, and then her eyes widen as she realises she can speak again. i nod encouragingly. "i, uh, i spoke to finn... and he made me realise that i ought to speak to you." she looks away, fiddling with the sleeve of her hoodie, and i realise she's about to talk about something very difficult for her to even think about.

"it's... no secret that i struggle with opening up to people." she lets out a slightly bitter laugh. "it's... i've... not had the easiest time, i guess. i don't know. but i'm used to people just- using me- i'm sure you understand that-" i nod silently. "-and, well, when you- y'know, in the studio- i reacted like that because it felt like you had used me. you had pretended to be my friend and gotten close to me just because you wanted to- to date me. and i know how stupid it sounds when i say it out loud, but-"

my heart is turning backflips in my chest. "aria, you know i would never-"

"i know," she says gently, and her tone soothes me a little. "you didn't let me finish yet. like i said, i talked with finn a little while ago. and he helped me see things differently." she offers me a slightly bashful smile. "so i guess what i'm saying is that i would be willing to give this- us- a chance. but," she adds as she sees the look on my face, "you need to let me finish first. i- it would be selfish of me to not warn you of... certain things." she looks away and my stomach plummets again.

there's a moment of silence.

"i can't stress how much i struggle with this stuff," she says quietly, and she sounds so quiet and small that i have to actively resist the urge to just scoop her up and hold her tight and never let go. "getting attached is hard. i- my sister died when i was a kid, and i-" she swallows. "it just takes me a while to-"

"hey, it's okay," i say soothingly. "we can take this as slow as you want to."

she breathes a sigh of relief and wraps her arms around me right.

"aria taylor, will you go on a date with me," i say, my voice muffled as i speak into her shoulder, and she giggles.

"it would be my pleasure."

~~~

do you ever feel like a plastic bag