hurt // marcus lopez x oc

nine

"you gotta come back marcus." i said as i kept my eyes on his. "why." he said blankly with a slight shake of his head. even though marcus didn't say it, i knew he wanted a reason. he needed somewhere to stay, and i felt bad for taking that away from him. this really is all on me.

"because it's better for you than being out on the streets?" i said sort of throwing my hands out. "is it? because all it seems to be is a bunch of rich kids who have killer instinct." marcus said, fighting my point. "fine. if you don't wanna come back, then don't. but don't expect me or master lin to bail you of jail, or even come to your funeral." i said and then looked away. honestly, i can't beat myself up forever. if marcus won't budge, i won't put my energy into him. simple.

i didn't hear marcus following me, which i guess deep down i kinda wanted, so i just went back to my dorm. when i opened the door to my dorm, i saw lin again. he had been standing at my dresser and exanming the various things resting on top. when he heard the door open, he directed his attention to it.

"did you convince him?" lin asked, his hands behind his back. "i honestly don't know. and how did you even know where i was going?" i asked, feeling confused and so tired. "as much as i hate seeing students attracted to each other, you and marcus have something. and you're not one to let that type of stuff go." he said as he walked closer to me. "yeah well i just did." i said while taking off my jacket and hanging it on the hook on the door. 

"don't surrender. you can always get what you want. you just have to try hard for it."
lin said as he put his hand in my shoulder. "i don't want it. not anymore." i said while looking up to lin with an empty expression. he had this expression on his face as if he was about to say something else, but he just nodded and left my dorm. 

i don't know why i ever let myself get soft like that and i'm never gonna do it again. this time i went to take a shower and didn't drop my stuff nor did i get interrupted by marcus. i also decided to go back up to the graveyard again. no matter how late it is, there's always someone up there with drugs, which is what i needed right now. so i went up. i did see someone, someone who made me happy. lex.

"if it isn't kennedy. where've you been, softie?" he said in his strong british accent as he waved around the cigarette that he held between his middle and pointer finger.  "shut up, lex." i said sort of laughing as i walked closer to him. "alright. well, then where's mr.right?" he said making fun of me as he held open a box of cigarettes out to me. "still looking for him." i said taking a cigarette from him and lighting it. lex had been occupied with his before he looked at me and quickly tried to stop me. "kennedy! don't-!" he said, but the cigarette was already between my lips and i was already taking a puff.

"what?" i asked confused as i blew out the smoke and was going for another puff. "i wrapped that in 'the good stuff'" lex said slyly as he held his cigarette in his teeth and fidgeted with his finger. whenever lex says 'good stuff' i know it's never actually good. "fuck." i said under my breathe i said as i handed him the cigarette back. i could've dropped it and stopped on it, but when i did that when i first met lex he almost killed me. i remember it like it was yesterday. "do you know how much that cost me?!" he yelled. his voice so tiny and scratchy. we were only 12 at the time. such a shame to be so into drugs as such a young age.

my flashback ended and i went to go take another shower. lex said that and sleep would help it ware off, but it honestly felt good. it was like nothing mattered and everything was just drifting away. hearing colors, seeing sound. the usual, but more enhanced. it was good. after i showered i felt normal, just a little sick. 

i went back in my dorm and listened to my walkman while i laid in my bed. i eventually fell asleep but this feeling felt good. it was fun. i went to sleep not thinking about dad or marcus. my head was just, clear. it was quiet.

(i'm not trying to promote drugs. please don't do them they seriously aren't good for your health and you'll find out that later kennedy will completely regret using them. there's better coping methods and if you need any help lmk i'm always here to talk <3)