hurt // marcus lopez x oc

thirty

the post-breakup depression had really been settling in. i felt like i didn't even have a reason to get up, y'know? i started in bed for like three days. i wasn't entirely

 sure how long it had been, all the days kind of mushed together.

eventually, i felt like i should probably get up and shower, so i did. my body felt off balance the minute my feet touched the floor. i really hadn't been eating. the past few days were just spent reminiscing and crying. i found a water bottle sitting on the corner of my dresser. i dragged myself from my bed and chugged the bottle of water. i probably should've eaten more, but i was eager to shower.

as i showered, my movements were slow. the thing is, i never fell in love before i met marcus. once i lost my dad, i became depressed. i didnt care about anything or anybody, not even myself. when lin let me come to king's, i only accepted because sleeping in a bed was better than a bench on the sidewalk.

my depression never went away, i just hid it. that is, until i met marcus. he pulled me out of that dark spot, and as much as i didn't wanna fall in love and get attached, it happened anyway. and now that i no longer have him, i feel empty. that's why i didnt wanna get attached. because good things always end. i have to keep my guard up. i can't get weak.

i finished showering and  was on my way to my first period. inevitably, i passed marcus's locker. i knew he was there, just like he was every morning. but something in me stopped me from looking in his direction. i didn't think i was strong enough not to, but just the thought of seeing his eyes. those brown orbs that held such a cold gaze, but were welcoming when directed at me. or maybe he'd force a smile. that sweet smile that just made me want to hold him. 

finally, i made it to class. i felt like a mess. i was in no way gonna be able to pay attention in class today. i sat in my normal, seat next to willie, who had his head down on the table. "hey, willie." i said greeting him, like i always did. "oh, hey." he said as he lifted his head up from the desk and looked up to me. 

marcus then walked in a few minutes later, making sure to look my way. and then it happened. i saw his eyes. i saw his forced smile. i felt like i was lost in a trance. memories flooded me. picnic dates, the dance, moments before i got the bad news. eventually, it was hard for me to breathe. i was swallowing hard and fidgeting with my fingers. my heart started to pick up pace. what was happening to me? why? why can't i relax? these thoughts whirled around my head.

"kennedy!" willie then called, causing me to jump a little. i looked over to willie who had his hand on my shoulder, expressing his feeling of confusion on his face. "you alright?" he asked as he looked to me. "i...i'm fine. i just need to use the bathroom." i said as i raised my hand.

i directed my attention to the front of the classroom to see lin standing with a woman i had never seen before. she was tall, very tall for a woman. she had dark, black hair that was swooped elegantly into a bun. she stood with her hands interlocked and her legs sort of crossed. she wore a black dress with a dark green blazer. she had black high heels on as well. this woman was definitely not from king's.

"what is it, ms. marshall?" lin asked once he noticed my hand was up. the mention of my name caused the class to look over to me. i noticed the woman in the green blazer had also looked in my direction. she seemed to be examining me since her eyes kept traveling around my body. i then realized marcus had been looking at me. i swear i always get lost in his eyes. 

"ms. marshall!" lin called to me, helping me find my way out of marcus's comforting gaze. i detached my eyes from marcus to lin with a quick jolt. i saw lin glaring at me angrily and felt my stomach drop. "what is it you need?" lin asked. however, it sounded moire like a statement rather than a question. "uh," i said before swallowing hard, "may i use the restroom?" i said knowing my uncomfortable was showing through my words. "yes, please go." lin said as he shook his head. i awkwardly stood and left the room.