The Unknown

xlv. division

When a flash of Zara's amber hair came into sight, I halted among the trees. I was frozen, my blood turned to solid ice.

She was face up in the dirt, her limbs splayed around her. A smear of blood had escaped from her mouth, staining her cheek scarlet. She wasn't moving at all. Not breathing. I didn't need a doctor to tell me what had happened.

At first, I didn't feel shock, only a slow sinking sensation deep in my stomach. Kyle squeezed my hand—an attempt at comfort that only shattered my numbness, drawing me into the reality of the situation.

Her eyes were open—those sharp, inquisitive eyes now staring blankly. Involuntarily, I wondered what she'd seen and felt in her final moments, and a wave of horror and sorrow forced its way through my veins. I almost fell to my knees again, but Kyle caught me under my arms. He pulled me close to him so I could only see the endless forest over his shoulder—meaning he was still facing Zara. I felt his breathing quicken, his rib cage expanding against me as he took in the scene.

It was happening. It was really happening. Just as Jade had said it would.

Shaun and Jade approached us slowly. Jade zeroed in on the body, then locked eyes with me. For once, she wasn't smiling, but her eyes were now devoid of any discernible emotion.

For the first time, I wondered why it seemed Jade had only told me what was happening to us. Was I supposed to make a choice? If some technologically superior beings wanted us so badly, why would they care about our thoughts on the matter? Surely they would capture us, consent or not, like they had when we were too small to remember.

I wanted to lunge at Jade. I wanted to take out all the frustration and confusion and terror—the smoldering wreckage of my life, of all our lives—on her. It had all been caused by the unwanted intervention of one species, and now one of the enemy was in front of me, staring emotionlessly at the dead body of my friend.

But Kyle was clinging to me now, his hands still shaking uncontrollably against my spine. Another reminder of our impending doom.

How long before our damage was irreversible? How long before another of us would be in Zara's place?

As night fell, Kyle and I built a small fire separate from the rest of the group. They were only a flickering dot in the distant blackness, while our orange blaze enveloped my vision.

It had almost become a necessity to huddle together for warmth after sunset. As we walked for shortening days, the sun's heat drained into increasingly smothering cold. The numbness in my fingers and toes climbed up my joints. Now I needed to thaw my entire hand by the end of each day, unable to even clench my frozen fingers into a fist.

I spoke suddenly, the heat of my breath emerging like a cloud from my lips, "We need to talk..."

Kyle just stared at me tiredly, his skin gray and drained of life.

"We need to talk about the endgame here," I continued, my inner urgency seeping into my voice.

"We keep going as long as we can," he said with subdued determination, gazing into the fire.

I bit my lip, shaking my head slowly back and forth. "We saw today what will happen to us—unless we freeze to death first." My vision blurred with forming tears. I blinked them away. "I don't intend to die out here, Kyle."

He stared at me with confusion that morphed into coldness. "What do you intend to do, then?" His tone was almost accusatory, as if he suspected I was conspiring with the enemy.

"It's worth discussing every option. If this is the way things will go, giving ourselves up isn't the worst—"

"Never."

I almost flinched at the finality of his tone.

"We don't know how much of Jade is still left in there," I protested. "She could be fighting as we speak. Maybe she's not gone forever, Kyle. Maybe we wouldn't be either."

Kyle's eyes grew wide, his brows arching downward. "You're talking about giving ourselves to the species, not the city?" He drew away from me, his body's heat replaced by a surge of frigid wind. "That sounds ten times worse. I can't believe you would suggest...." he trailed off.

We were silent as I digested his words. From his affronted tone, I was certain he would never change his mind. So I changed the subject.

"You seem different lately." I swallowed heavily as I rubbed my frozen hands together.

He nodded slowly, his gaze growing detached. "It can really change a person's perspective."

"What can?"

"When they become convinced they're dying."

This time I did wince, then quickly tried to clear the emotion from my face. "You really think it's better to die out here...for nothing...instead of continuing on in some form, maybe giving yourself a chance?" I couldn't stop myself from trying to convince him, the words rushing from my lips.

"To become whatever Jade is? Yes, I think this is miles better."

He looked angry for a moment, the flames reflecting in his burning eyes. Then his features relaxed. "I keep thinking over my entire life, and everything snaps into perspective. All of the things I should and shouldn't have done." His breathing quickened, his voice growing tortured. "All of these faces in my head: my mother, my father, Doc and Jason, Jade and Jessie, Zara, Rose, and you. Always you.

"Sometimes we all get carried away with how we're perceived, you know. But if I could do it all over again, I would never worry about being seen as cool or tough. I would just want to be open...with the people I love." He drew in a shaky breath. "They're the most important thing. I realize that now. It might feel like some conversations can go without saying. But some things need to be said out loud." 

His green eyes flashed toward me. "So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you."