The Unknown

ix.

I opened my eyelids, but my view of pure blackness didn't change. Blindly searching my surroundings, my fingertips grazed something warm beside me. When I felt it move, my hand instantly jolted away and my heart jumped in my chest.  It was an unconscious body, I realized, rhythmically inhaling and exhaling. Yesterday's events came rushing back to my mind.

Consciously trying to ignore how I felt about my overall situation—the looming thoughts that had suddenly surfaced and brought about my emotional outburst last night, I sat up and internally debated my next course of action. I felt empty, but hollowness was better than overwhelming sadness, wasn't it?

My mind was decided for me when the body awoke. It yawned and shifted position, its joints audibly popping.

"I think it's time for breakfast," Jason said quietly, with a hint of uncertainty. He trying to gauge was sort of state I was in.

He had stayed with me the whole night and slept on the cold, rigid floor. I hadn't asked him to. Still, I felt like I should say something, but I couldn't seem to form any words in my throat.

I reached out in the darkness and made contact with him again, this time not drawing away. I wasn't sure what I'd intended, but we somehow ended up in an embrace with his long arms overlapping around me and mine around him. My actions felt out of my control, but it also felt so good after having been starved of touch for so long.

Jason suddenly gripped my arm and yanked me to my feet, catching me as I stumbled from the unexpected motion. He kept hold of my arm and pulled me along to the cafeteria, almost against my will, but probably for the best.

In the kitchen, makeshift pancakes with whichever odd ingredients we had in our possession were being served. The bright natural light and chatter of voices pulled me out of my catatonia.

"Shit," I muttered.

"What?" Jason said, immediately looking concerned. 

"Nothing." I grabbed a plate of the freshly made pancakes and we went to sit down together, away from everyone else. I could feel stares and hear faint whispers. Things weren't usually very eventful here, so people would cling to any gossip they could conjure up.

We ate. It was easy to drop all the formalities and social expectations when someone had already seen you at the lowest of the low.

"I'm realizing that I really struggle with...opening up emotionally, to anyone. I have friends, but I always put up a sort of...barrier." I swallowed, glancing up at his dark-circled eyes. "I don't want to do that anymore."

"I thought you and Kyle were close."

"He's more closed off than me. I think the military told him he shouldn't have emotions."

"Sounds healthy." I noticed him craning his neck to peer out a window, then look oddly anxious for a moment. "Want to...go for a walk? I want to show you something."

He was behaving strangely. I hesitated but decided that if anything bad happened, I could hold my own. "Sure."

We left the building and entered the woods behind the school. It was uncomfortably quiet. There were no birds singing, no wind blowing, just our footsteps crunching fallen leaves. I discreetly glanced at Jason and noticed he was smiling, which obviously isn't inherently sinister, but left intense shivers shooting up my spine. Something felt wrong. It was as if every cell was screaming for me to turn around, but I was convinced that I was being irrational, that my emotions were going haywire.

We were scaling a steep hill. All of us had become lean and fit from our active lifestyles filled with manual labor, but my muscles began to burn from the effort. When we reached the top, the view stretched for miles.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He said.

"Yeah, I can't believe I've never been here before. I didn't realize it was such a high vantage point. Does anyone else know about it?"

"Nope. It can be our little secret."

The earth stretched out like a three-dimensional map before us. We sat down in the grass, pointing out all the landmarks we recognized. My heart slowed, and I began to let my guard down a bit. The air felt peaceful and serene, and the sun's rays gently warmed my exposed skin. I closed my eyes.

I heard Jason stand up. "There they are."

"What?" I asked, confused, my eyes searching. 

Initially, I thought he was talking about our friends below who were working outside in the garden. Then I followed his gaze further in the distance. Barely visible, there was a convoy of black vehicles speeding down the abandoned roads, heading directly for us.

I immediately took off running back the way we came, but something barreled into me, knocking the wind from my lungs and shoving my face into the ground. I spat the dirt from my mouth and groaned in pain. I tried to get up, but a forced pressed hard into the middle of my back, effectively immobilizing me. I realized it was Jason's knee pinning me to the ground.

"What are you doing? We have to warn them!"

"You said it yourself: you can't stand being here any longer." 

I gasped, struggling to breathe with the crushing pressure on my rib cage. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"My father made a deal. In exchange for them, we can return to the City. We don't have to hide anymore."

"Let me go!" I screamed, thrashing underneath his weight.

"I chose you. Out of everyone, I chose to save you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Let me go, you bastard!" I reached an arm back and managed to sink my long fingernails deep into his skin. I felt droplets of blood soak through my shirt. He removed the pressure of his knee but simply grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back, bringing me to a kneel. I was forced to watch as the cars steadily approached but unable to do anything about it. Time was running out. The apparent effortlessness of Jason restraining me while I fought with all the strength I had simultaneously made me feel more furious and defeated.

"Please don't hurt yourself," he said as I writhed wildly, feeling like I was about to dislocate a shoulder. I stopped for a minute, hyperventilating.

Hoping to catch him by surprise, I got leverage with my legs to suddenly throw myself backwards into him, rather than pulling away. He fell to the ground and his grip loosened for a split second, allowing my arms to slip free.

I immediately took off at a full sprint, not looking back, praying I could outrun him and warn everyone in time. I had the advantage of adrenaline; the knowledge that my friends were in danger drove me to run faster than I ever had before.

"You ungrateful bitch!" his words echoed through the forest. I felt tears stream down my face, this time out of resentment. The one time I establish an emotional connection with someone, they want to let nearly everyone I care about be taken away. I would do everything in my power to keep that from happening.