| 20 | I loved you

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We were both created in chaos,
we were both born to destroy.
You were like death and I was like war. And where we collided, darling,
I loved you.
- k.a.

-----❅-----

- Victorine -

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- Victorine -

-----❅-----

When our lips parted, I opened my eyes again and looked into Nicolas' face, breathing heavily.

Confusion began to spread through me. This hadn't just been camouflage. I felt that with every bit of my body. Especially with the slight tingle that still prickled in my lips.

Before I could say anything, Nicolas leaned forward again very slowly, but stopped before he could close the distance between our lips again.

"May I?" he whispered, glancing at my mouth as his fingertips gently caressed the skin of my cheeks.

It had been nice. Nice to feel that warmth and closeness. To close my eyes, to forget everything else for a small moment, all things terrible in this world, and to concentrate only on our two bodies.

But forgetting the awfulness of this world for a moment would not make it go away.

It wouldn't help me gather information to free my sister. All of this was about that. Not about me, but about Crescentia. And I could never forget that.

"No," I replied softly.

Nicolas began to smile weakly, as if he had already expected that answer. "I understand."

"Let's go back," I suggested. "I still have a few people in my sights. And I need to check out the employees, too."

"Let's go, then." Nicolas nodded at me and offered his arm again. With a confident posture, we walked back to the throne room where I resumed my work.

For about two whole hours I tried to get some reading out of everyone in the room.

It was a long time before I finally came close enough to one of Cepha's advisors.

Unfortunately, our eye contact was not long enough for me to get any important information. But I knew that he sometimes sat at a table together with Cephas and informed him about the internal and external situation of the kingdom with other advisors. And I knew where his mistress lived.

As unobtrusively as possible, I was walking after the advisor who was going away, only to stop in disappointment. I would not go into the men's room. That would attract far too much attention.

Instead, I looked around for Nicolas, who had already disappeared somewhere again. Sighing, I took a few steps and looked in all directions.

But then my body stopped in mid-motion. Froze as I caught sight of a face in the crowd that looked like that of Crescentia.

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